


A bleed through the Force

by judinthegalaxy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fix-Fic, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghost Luke Skywalker, It will be a happy ending or won't be an end, Kinda, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey's not going to give up, Soulmates, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, The Force Ships It, The end that we deserved, World Between Worlds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21986485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judinthegalaxy/pseuds/judinthegalaxy
Summary: Rey can't bare the thought of living without him. She misses him more than anything she has ever experienced. What is this that she is feeling?Only when she opens herself to the force again, she discovers that there's still something there. A sparkle.She will do anything to discover what does that mean and, if she has to go to hell to bring him back, she will do it.“We’re a dyad in the Force; two that are one.”
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 38
Kudos: 78
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As many of us, I'm writing this fic to fix the end that The Rise of Skywalker gave us, tearing all of us apart. And made us cry, a ton. 
> 
> This is my first time writing a Reylo fic (although I have read a ton) and it's also my first time writing in English (it isn't my mother tongue or whatsoever) so if you find any error and you want to point it up, I'll gladly take notes!

I miss him.  


I miss him so badly it hurts. I have lost something that was so deep inside me that now I feel empty.  


I want to beg you to someone, to something, that he comes back to me. I still feel his touch in my skin, his hands holding me close, and it burns till the point I want to rip it off of me. I can’t let go the sensation I had when we kissed, the way my chest exploded with bliss when our lips touched and I could feel his heartbeat.  


But now I feel empty.  


How I’m supposed to live without my partner? How can I live without my other half?  


Dyads in the force, that’s what he called us.  


Another sob breaks through my throat.  


Everything hurts. I have never experienced such a pain in my life; it comes from inside and threats to break me apart. The tears haven’t stop and I just want to rip my heart, maybe this would make him come back to me.  


Time doesn’t matter anymore. The cheers and the celebrations don’t mean anything to me. I just… I can’t take it.  


“Rey.”  


I look up to find Finn watching me.  


“Maybe you should eat.”  


Maybe, but I don’t think I can stay with them for a long time. I couldn’t bare watch their happiness due to the victory when I feel like I have lost everything.  


“You…” Finn walks towards me and sits at the feet of the bed I have been staying for the lasts days. “Maybe if you talk?” The seconds, minutes —when has time lost its value?— and I remain silent. “We are starting to get worried about you. We don’t want to push it; we know that… Well, we really don’t know what happened there. But we want to help, Rey.”  


“You can’t.”  


Finn looks at me, surprise painted on his face. One part of me knows that my voice is cracky and rough, but the other part just tries to keep me together.  


“Probably.” Finn lets out a sigh. “But, maybe if you tell me, I can at least understand. I hate to see you like this, Rey.”  


Should I? Should I open about him? Will Finn understand?  


“He… I lost him.” These are the first words I can pronounce, and they hurt as knifes. “I’m here because of him… We’re here because he fought.” The past burns in my tongue.  


“He?”  


“Ben.”  


His name breaks my voice and my eyes prove me, once more, that I can still cry a little more.  


Finn waits a few seconds to ask:  


“Do we know him?”  


It hits me like a laser shot. Nobody knew him. And if so, not by his real name, his real self. I feel numb at the thought that he will only be remembered by the bad things, not a chance that the galaxy knew what was behind everything —even me, I still feel like I’m missing a part of the puzzle he was— and that he ran to me in order to help. A smile tries to crack between my lips when I think that Han would have been so proud of that dumb move. He was a Solo after all.  


I nod in Finn’s response.  


He probably won’t understand me or won’t accept it, but the thought that Ben only lives inside my broken self tears me apart.  


“Yes.”  


I can see the exact moment when Finn does the connection with a long lived moment so many moons ago. A bridge, a scream and a father pleading for his son to come back.  


Finn opens his eyes abruptly and his lips become a fine line.  


“Ky—“  


“Don’t.” I cut him before he even finishes. “Don’t. He is… was Ben.” A sob bursts in when I force myself to change the verb… to the past. “He… Well, we were connected.”  


“Connected.”  


“Through the force… We share… shared a bond. I think it started in the Starkiller Base, but it wasn’t till I was in Ahch-To that… that it become stronger.” Finn is there, listening carefully while I open myself for the first time. “It was a Force Bond. But ours… Ours was different. He called a Dyad Bond.” I have to bite the interior of my cheek in order to distract me from the pain that pronouncing these words means. “We were a balance. A Force to each other. We were connected in a unique way that made us strong and part of the other.” With a grin, I remember Palpatine’s words. “It was the most powerful link ever created between two Force users. And now I feel… Empty.”  


I’m not sure I have explained everything I wanted, or in the correct way. But I feel unable to put more than these words together in other to explain my biggest lost.  


I fix my gaze on my hands, unable to look at Finn’s eyes. I try to not think about what opinion he will have about me. He doesn’t know Ben, not the way I did.  


But Finn remains in silence.  


Despite the fear that cause’s me his reaction, I force myself to look up and search for the response of my best friend. He isn’t looking at me but a distant point in the little room I have been staying at the Falcon. This is the only home I know. And it reminds me of him, of them.  


“He was there with you.” It isn’t a question.  


“Yes.”  


He breathes.  


“When you were in the desert… you…”  


“I knew he was coming. We sensed each other. We…” I take a deep breath before revealing, for the first time, the deepest part of it. “We could see each other at times. We didn’t know how, but sometimes we could see each other, talk to each other… Touch.”  


“Does anyone knows about this?”  


“You’re the first one. I… I tried to close it after Crait. And it worked. He was only a tiny whisper at the back of my head. But that started to change and… There it was again.”  


“All these times I tried to call you… To warn you… You…”  


“Yes.”  


Some part of me wants to feel sorry that I have lied to Finn, that I kept this relationship to myself. But the truth is that I can’t feel anything bad, or I don’t want to feel it, towards my meetings with Ben, even more the ones we shared through the bond.  


“And he was with you when Palpatine?”  


“He fought with me. He… he was there… He come to me and stayed by my side. Till the end.” A sob breaks me when I revive the lasts moments we shared. I really thought that it was a new beginning, and not an end, that it was our opportunity to try and make it work. That I could take his hand, finally. But he left me without chance of saying goodbye or how I felt.  


I hope he knew.  


I hope he knows.  


“What really happened, Rey?”  


“He saved me. Literally.” I sit in the bed, embracing myself when I feel the loss of heat that the blanket gave me. “It is like a blur. I remember Palpatine throwing him away and then I was fighting him and then… Nothing. It was cold when I started to feel a heartbeat. And heat. And then I was in his arms, smiling and happy because he was there with me. It was really him, Finn. Ben Solo was there with me, smiling and hugging me.” A shiver runs down my back at the memory of the seconds that preceded that moment. “But something went wrong… I started to hear his heart slow down and his presence started to fade. It was like losing a part of myself. It ripped me openly when he closed his eyes and he fell to the ground. I tried to hold him… I wanted to… I couldn’t hold him, Finn. He slipped through my fingers and I couldn’t do anything to prevent it.”  


I’m fully crying.  


Finn moves to hug me, trying to stop the trembles that shake my body.  


He was there. I kissed him. I felt his lips, his smile, his dimples. I felt his hands on my hair, on my back, and I hold his hand against my chest, wanting to feel him as closest as possible. But he smiled at me with the most beautiful the galaxy has ever seen and then he left me.  


“He left me, Finn. He promised that I wouldn’t ever be alone again and he left me.”  


The words burn in my throat. How can I live with this huge hole in my chest that threatens to drown me at any moment? It’s inhuman, a torture.  


“He brought me back and I had to witness how this cost him his life.”  


“He brought you back?” Finn takes distance to look at me.  


“I’m pretty sure I died at some point. And he gave his life for me.”  


“Is this possible?”  


“Nobody has even done it and succeeded. I suppose hi is— was the first one.”  


“Do you think he knew what he was doing?”  


“Yes.” No-one has ever looked at me the way Ben did, like I was his entirely galaxy.  


Finn takes a few seconds to speak again.  


“Do you…?”  


“Yes.”  


He hugs me again and I rest my head in his neck.  


“I still have a lot of questions.”  


“I know.”  


We let the time pass. Maybe that’s the best thing that I can do now. I’m fully aware that I can’t hide for the rest of my days, there’s a lot that has to be done. We need to secure Leia’s legacy and make sure that this time we build a good prospect for the future. But all of this means that I have to move one, and I’m not quite ready to do it.  


Truth to be told, I don’t know when I’ll be.  


It isn’t till days later, when I finally leave my room and I have the strength to stand all the happy wishes and congratulations, that Finn, Poe and Rose discover that I have closed myself from the Force.  


“Why have you done that? Is it not super important for the Jedi or something like this?” asks Poe, clearly confused.  


“Yeah, something like that…” For their looks I know they aren’t going to drop it, so I make the decision to tell them the reason, even though it will generate more questions. “I’m not ready to feel what is awaiting me there.”  


And, with that simple words, I start opening myself to my friends. I can’t keep him only on my mind. The galaxy needs to know what he did, and my friends have to know that I owe him my life.  


The silence that follows my long explanation, despite hiding a few details that I keep too close to my heart, is so strong that I feel I can choke on it. Rose, being the amazing friend she is, is the first one to react. She takes my hand and squishes it.  


“I’m so sorry Rey, we should have known that something was odd with you.”  


I shake my head.  


“I was scared, of your reactions and mine.”  


“We’re family, Rey.” I look at Rose, who’s still holding my hand. “And he saved you.”  


“Despite being the greatest evil we have been fighting for years…” I don’t know if Poe intended to not being listened, but I do.  


“You don’t know the full story.” Something inside my forces me to defend him, even if I’m not sure what to say.  


“Yeah? What’s that?”  


“I’m not gonna discuss my feelings with you.” I stand up. “If you need me, I’ll be in the Falcon.”  


I’m not going to stand there and listen how they trash him without knowing all the story. I know he has done horrible things, I’m not going to pretend that this part of him didn’t exist, but the whole is that he changed, and everyone deserves a second change. Moreover, I know there was something more in his story, I just know. And I just wish I knew it.  


The days go by and I still feel the same.  


I’m in the cockpit, curled up in the pilot’s seat, and hugging Ben’s shirt.  


Maybe it’s time for me to try and open myself again to the Force. I can’t run away forever; at some point I have to face it. Even if I don’t want to.  


Some part of me still believes that he’s somewhere, that I haven’t lose my dyad. But every night, when I close my eyes, I see him, lying in the ground lifeless. He looked so peaceful, like he was finally able to rest.  


Am I ready to feel —truly feel— his lost?  


We could have had it all.  


I go to my room and put Ben’s shirt. This is the only way I have to feel him close to me. I just hope his strength helps me now.  


I close my eyes and I open the door that I tried to avoid so much.  


It’s when I open myself again to the Force that I feel something that leaves me breathless.  


First, there’s this rush of pain that leaves me on my knees and on the edge with tears in my eyes. I try to regain my breath, but the push that all the emotions that I have been trying to repress does is stronger. I bite my lower lip, trying to contain the sobs and the screams.  


It physically hurts.  


I try to regain some of my composure, to get back on my feet.  


The thought of feeling —or not— the absence of Ben in the Force makes me want to close it again. But I can’t spend the rest of my life burying this part of me, I know he wouldn’t want this. However, I fear not being strong enough to add more emptiness in my life.  


I breath again and I reach for it.  


There’s something. It isn’t clear and, in no way, is as strong as Ben’s presence, but something is there, like a fire that refuses to go extinct.  


“Ben?” I ask, afraid of what can come next.  


I don’t get any answer.  


I try to breathe again. Maybe I have been so distant with the Force that now I don’t know what it really means. Or it is because I don’t know what to do with that empty part of me. My heart starts to beat frenetically, afraid to have hope for something that may be just a fantasy.  


One.  


Two.  


Three.  


I calm myself, just as Luke taught me. I set my emotions aside and I focus on everything that surrounds me. I try to recover the connection I already had with the Force.  


Surprisingly, there’s no emptiness, but a balance.  


It’s there. Something. It’s truly there.  


I rush out of the room.  


“Chewie!” I scream.  


The wookiee looks at me and groans.  


“You have to listen to me! I think I have something!” Another groan. “I know what I’m saying. But… there’s something. Not in the same way that I could sense Luke or Leia, it’s… different.”  


The first night that I moved into the Falcon, I told him the whole story. I thought that he deserved to know that, despite everything, the boy that he might knew so many moons ago was still alive. Ben deserved to be remembered, even more if it was from someone that knew him since birth.  


“I’m sure. And if not… At least I have to try.”  


The softness in Chewie eyes makes my heart melt.  


I run out the Falcon, rushing to the desk I have been using in this base as my work/study place. I hear Chewie behind me, but I can’t stop, not now.  


“Rey!” Finn screams when I pass by.  


Chewie says something, but I don’t get it, I have my heart focused on the tiny sparkle of hope that this tinkle has ignite in me.  


I’m not one hundred percent sure of what I’m looking for, but I just know that I have to search for the books, it’s like they were calling me. I have read those books countless of times since I found them, one would say that I know them by heart, but I just have to make sure that this is just not an hallucination.  


During the past year, I have tried to find information about our bond, hoping to learn more about it. I thought that, by knowing more, I could block it if not end it. How stupid of me. However, this is what allows me to go through the books quickly.  


“Rey!” This time I look at Finn. “What are you doing? Chewie says you felt…”  


“I don’t know! It’s… strange.”  


I start looking at the Jedi texts, sweeping the pages as I try to find the little information there is about bonds.  


“Here.” I say under my breath.  


I didn’t know what it was before, but now, I have more information.  


I start reading “A Force Dyad is a strange phenomenon describing two Force-Sensitive beings who collectively shares the power of one individual, connecting them across space and time as one. It does not only strengths the individuals physically, but also their mental and emotional bond.  


Such a bond is not something easily broken. It is like breaking a feeling towards the Force. To break a bond one of the beings has to die, but even then, the bond wouldn’t go away, it would be empty, a wound never to be closed.”  


I let out a gasp.  


That has to mean something.  


It has to mean something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing in English, and also my first time writing about one of my faves OTP aka Reylo. I hope I can bring you a good story and that you enjoy the chapter(s) ^^


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is eager to find a way to bring Ben back, and she is going to do everything that she can in order to accomplish it.

My breath starts to speed up.

I rush in the Force makes me feel little dizzy.

“Rey…” I hear Rose in the distance. “What is happening.”

Do I know what’s happening? No. Not at all.

But it fuels me like an instinct, a determination to find something that gives me a little of hope. Even if that means that I’m going to have my heart crushed afterwards. This is the first time in days —why it seems like eternity to me?— that I have something to look after, that I feel the need to keep moving. A part of me thinks I’m starting to lose my mind, that I can’t stand the idea of him being— that I can’t stand the idea of him not being part of me.

“Rey… You’re starting to freak us out.”

I look up at my friends. They are all looking at me, every one of them with a unique and particular expression that combined would resume in saying: they don’t have any clue of what it’s happening.

“I opened myself to the Force. I was scared, and worried. But now… Something is happening.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you hear what I just read?”

“Yes.” They all say in some kind of agreement.

“This was us. He— It was more than a bond. Palpatine said it was the strongest ever created.” I feel proud of myself for saying that name without feeling nauseous. “We were dyads.”

“That’s… strong.” Poe looks around him, like if he’s trying to erase some of the tension I’m feeling on my shoulders.

“And for that… I don’t quite feel him.”

“Is that good?”

“I don’t know. But I don’t feel like I’m bleeding my heart out or that I have this irreparable wound that is going to drown me in pain. On the contrary, I think I feel something.” My words are rushed and, for the looks on their faces, I’m starting to think that I’m not making any sense.

But the look on Finn’s face is comprehensive, even though a shadow of concern masks his face.

“Can it be an echo of his Force signal?”

“No.” The word dash on my tongue. Maybe too soon. “This is not something I can mistake with something else.”

I’m starting to feel the anger slipping through my veins, blending with my blood and the sparkle sensation that the Force pulls up. Why are they doubting about me? About what I feel? I’m pretty aware that this can looks as a desperate try —at some extend it is— but I need them by my side if I decide on persuading this… _feeling_.

I make sure I’m calm enough before talking again.

“I’m sure of what I feel.”

Rose approaches me with a kind smile. She sits beside me and takes my hand. I feel a peace I haven’t felt for a long time.

“What do you want to do?”

The first thing I do is to try to reach out in the Force. Yet I can’t sense anything more than what I normally do and that strange space where he was supposed to be. It’s when I give up with the Force that I start with the Sacred Jedi Texts.

I spend days with C3-PO trying to translate and understand every piece of text written there. I want to know everything; I want to make sure I have everything within arm’s length to start a proper research.

Focusing on this also helps me to not feel alone or left out whenever the Resistance is in some bureaucratic or political meeting or journey. I’m not made for sitting and talking, also, I don’t think I would be able to concentrate in anything besides finding what’s happening.

“You know, they have asked for you,” says Rose sitting beside me.

“I’m not into politics.”

I keep looking at the books. This is not going the first time they try to convince me to go to a meeting or reunion —neither it will be the last— in behave of the Resistance ‘hero’, a level that I hate with my whole soul. I’m not a hero.

“Yeah, you have already told me so. But you’re a symbol, the last Jedi.”

“I hate it.” 

“I know you do. But, right now, you’re the closest thing to a legend that we have. And we might need one.” Rose lets out a sigh. “The galaxy might need a little hope.”

I close the book.

“How can I represent hope, when I feel so hopeless.” My voice cracks, and I don’t feel I’m at the verge of tears till they start falling down my cheeks.

“Rey.” Rose closes the distance and gives me a hug. She feels like the sun, but a nice one. “I know you are going through a hard moment, and if you want to talk… I’m always here.”

“I know.” I sob. “It’s just… Am I stupid for following this hunch?”

“No! Not at all. I think you’re being very brave, following and saving what you love.”

My breath gets stuck in my throat. Love? My head was so wrapped around the idea of bringing Ben back that I haven’t thought what my feeling towards him are. I have never felt love, not in a romantic why, and I have never felt so attached and connected as I do with him. I care about him, deeply, and I need to bring him back because I— I just don’t know what I would do without him. Is this love?

I would fight galaxies and empires for him. That’s the only thing I’m sure about, everything else… I will face it when it comes.

Exhaustion comes after me every night, knocking me off when my eyes can’t stay open anymore. The days are a blur of runes and ancient symbols that doesn’t make any sense. But I refuse to throw the towel. My dreams are hunted with his smile, and his touch, so resting doesn’t come up easily for me.

It’s a rainy day —my favourite weather— in the base, it’s also the first time I haven’t dreamt about Ben’s death, so I feel a renewed strength when I go back to the books.

I’m starting to lose hope in the day when my heart skips a beat.

It can’t be.

No way.

I read the pages eagerly, focusing on every tiny detail, the maps, the runes, the inscriptions, the legends, the diagrams and so on.

And then, I find what I what makes me lose my breath.

A visualization of the Chain Worlds Theorem, also known as the World Between Worlds, or Vergence Scatter. There it is. A one in a million possibility that opens the door for hope. I heard about it, and I know it’s the connection that the Force has with time itself.

I don’t let excitement turn back at me, so I keep reading because there is more. And two pages later I find what I have been hoping for. The same drawing of the World between Worlds but now explained as the verge of an hyperspatial waypoint to... Exegol.

Exegol is one of the approximations in representation of the Worlds between Worlds in our galaxy. It’s an outer location in space and time, which it draws a direct connection to… the physic world.

I'm feel dizzy at the realization.

Ben died in Exegol and, if what I’m reading it’s true, it means that I can go to him.

Below the explatation about said connection, there’s another outline. It’s an abstract view of hyperspatial waypoints that lead to Exegol, one of them being connected to Ahch-To.

I sit back, unable to move, unable to react.

The Force flutters everywhere, whispers I can’t understand surround me. A thousand scenarios cross my mind, from the ones that warm my heart to the opposite spectrum where I can’t stand such a thing. But, despite the turmoil I’m starting to feel, this gives me something, an opportunity to bring him back to me.

I don’t realize I’m crying until I feel surrounded by Chewbacca’s arms.

“I have found him,” I whisper under my breath.

He says something in response I can’t quite understand, but I get that he’s happy for me, but also, he’s happy for Ben.

After a few seconds where I let myself enjoy the first happy feeling I have felt in a long time, I run towards my friends to tell them the news, and that I’m going on a mission.

“You’re going where?” Poe asks when I finish telling them my plan.

“Ahch-To. There’s this cave, or sort of, where I hope I can get a better answer about what I have to do.”

“And then, you want to go to Exegol?” He keeps asking.

“Yes.”

“The same place where we fought against the Empire and now should looks like Hell?”

“Yes.” I’m starting to get annoyed. “Any other question you want me to answer?”

“This is madness.”

“Poe…” Interjects Finn. He looks at me and then back at the new General. “There are thing that, sometimes, can feel out of our sight, but we can’t let that stop us.”

“He was— Is General Organa’s son, we owe her at least trying this.” Rose puts a hand on my shoulder.

“I didn’t explain it because I want you to accompany me but…”

“I know. But I’m not letting you go alone in such mission.” Rose looks at what I —now— consider my family. “We aren’t letting you go alone.”

I feel a pump on my leg. BB-8 does an annoyed sound.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“When do we know what’s going to happen?”

* * *

We spend two days doing all the preparations for the journey. Connix is going to be in charge while Poe and Fin are out, and R2-D2 is going to work as a link between us and the base. The books and C3PO are coming with us.

We’re already in the Falcon’s cockpit and I feel as excited as I could be in a situation like this. Poe is in the pilot’s seat and the coordinates are in the computer.

“I’m going to you, and I’ll bring you back.” I whisper the second we jump to light speed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the information about Exegol and its connections come from pictures I have found of the Visual Dictionary from TROS. And I think I have made more research than the actuals writers... But!  
> I hope you're liking the story ^^


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey arrives to Ahch-To and she has to face whatever is waiting for here there.   
> Memories, feelings and a brusque realizations makes the journey tough, but she knows what she is doing. And for what: bringing Ben Solo back.

Tension starts to build up inside me as we approach Ahch-To. We’re minutes away and I star to feel all the pressure that this mission holds. I try to block all the fears and insecurities that try to blind me during these last seconds. The Falcon shakes when we leave the hyperspace. Ahch-To greets us in the horizon and I can feel a buzz behind my ears.

I remember all the things that happened the last time I was here. It seems like a life time ago.

Poe is the one that lands the Falcon and sets everything for what can be a long stay. Even though I hope we can move on quickly.

“Rey, you’re starting to make me feel anxious with your leg, can you… you know, stop it?” Poe has that tone that isn’t amicable neither sharp. I look at my legs and realise that I have been taping the floor nonstop with one of them.

“I can’t help it.”

“Yeah, well, we could…”

“Poe!” exclaims Rose. “Let Rey be.”

“I still can’t believe we’re here for what we’re here.”

“Nobody has asked you to be here.” I stand up, taking a defensive posture.

“Yeah, well. That’s what friends do, follow others friends’ plans and ideas, even if they are stupid or dangerous.” Poe approaches me. “No, I don’t agree with what you’re doing. And no, I don’t want to face one of the greatest criminals in the galaxy.” He takes a deep breath. “But he is important for you. And Leia. And I don’t want you to jump into the most dangerous zone ever without aid. So I’m here.”

I look at him, realizing that anything that comes out of this will be easy. I want to ask myself if all of this is worthy, but the truth is that I don’t even have the intention of pretending I want to question my acts. I’m sure, and, if I have to run away with him and hide in the outer rim, I will do it. Yes, I want to rebuild the Republic and stay with my friends —my family— but I also want to be happy, I want to feel bliss. I don’t want to choose between ones or others, but if I have to do so… I will choose myself and what I truly want, and I want him.

I lift my chain up. I won’t be ashamed of my intentions or feeling, not when we have all being caught between a bigger war than ourselves.

“I hope to get back at night, if not, wait till the morning to search for me.”

“We’re also going,” snaps Finn.

“No. I have to do this alone.”

“But—”

“This is something I have to do by myself. And, even more, I’m going to enter some deep Force stuff that I don’t even know how to explain it.”

After a lot of explain —for something I don’t even know— they understand that I have to do this alone, and they can’t do a thing about it. This is something more deep than ‘just a search’. Also, I’m sure I’ll need them when I come back.

This is a path I have to do alone.

I try to steady my breath, to not let emotions control me. Now is the moment where I have to be my strongest. I have to maintain my focus, to not let anything come between me and my purpose.

Ben.

“Are you sure of what you’re going to do?”

I turn at once. My heart sinks in my chest when I see who’s waiting me there.

“Luke.” The name flows as a whisper.

“I’m starting to think that you really like this island.”

“I need answers.” I say as a response.

“I know.”

He stays static in his ethereal form beneath the ruins of Ben’s —Kylo— ship.

“Can you help me?” I’m sure he already knows why I’m here or what I want to do. He has to know. Because of that, I hope he helps me.

“I don’t know if I can, or if I know how to do it.”

“He’s your nephew!” I scream as anger starts to bubble inside me. “He didn’t deserve to die. Not after all.”

“It was his choice. A very honourable one if you ask me.”

“And what’s my choice? Has he asked me if I wanted to carry the guilt of his death? No, but it weights so much that I can’t take it any longer. If I can do something to bring him back, I’ll do it. Without hesitation.”

Luke looks at me with a serene look while my breathing is all over the place. I can’t sand before him while he is just… impassive. Does he feel? Does he understand what his nephew did for me, for all of us? Does he feel sorry for what has happened to Ben?

“I feel your disturbance.”

“Don’t you say.” I’m unable to not bark back at him.

The silence grows thicker between us.

“You have to know Rey, there are limits. The Force can’t break the balance.”

“If so, why is he dead? Weren’t us supposed to be a balance in the Force? Were it is now if he isn’t with me?” I take one step ahead. “Is he with you?”

This is the most terrifying question I have ever asked because I fear whatever answer he gives me.

“No.”

A strange titillation grows around us. In some way, it resembles the disturbance I felt back at the base, in the Falcon, but now it’s stronger.

Luke has also felt it.

“I have to try,” I whisper, like a prayer.

“I don’t know what is going to happen.”

“Neither do I, but he deserves it.”

We keep looking at each other, in silence.

I don’t want to get mad or let anger blind me, but it’s so frustrating that, despite everything, not even his family has still hope in him. He is worth the risk, and it pains me that he probably has no idea that someone is willing to do something for him. What was the last time someone risked something for him? Or has done something for him?

This is one —of the multiples— reasons I want him back, because I want him to live knowing that someone wants him here, that he’s not a monster that everyone wishes to hunt anymore.

Luke simply nods. It’s frustrating because I can’t read what he wants to tell me with that gesture, but I simply don’t care, I’m far searching for everyone acceptance.

I lift my chin and I walk pass, already knowing where I have to go.

It’s not the first time I’m doing this walk. A year ago, a rainy night, stumbles across my memory. Furthermore, as if this was a cruel joke from the destiny, I arrive where the huts are. One in particular catches my sight. It’s half destroyed.

_“You’re not alone.”_

_“Neither are you.”_

“Liar.” I mumble to myself, words from the past resonating in my head.

_“I have never lied to you.”_

You did. At the end you did the only thing you have promised me to never do. You also have left me, just as everyone has done it.

I shake my head, ashamed of the selfishness that my heart and mind are capable of. He was, maybe the first one, to treat me as if I was able to move galaxies. As his equal, never underestimating me.

I can still feel the heat of the fire and the desperation that wanted to consume me. But he was at the other end of the string, ready to listen and reassure me when I needed it the most. He was as perfect as a glass of cold water in a summer day in Jakku.

He was something unique.

I take a deep breath and I walk pass the huts, trying to block the memories and the feelings they evoke. But it’s impossible to not thing about the softness of his eyes or the deep tone of his voice. What would I give to listen him one more time.

There’s fear inside me, and I’m aware that such a feeling is dangerous for what I’m going to do, but I can’t help it. I’m so scared, but not because of what can happen to me, but what will I do if I don’t succeed.

I fear the future, the loneliness, the prospect of a life without someone that understands me so deeply I can’t understand it. I fear the ‘what if’ that hunts me every time I think I’m going after shadows and legends.

But I also thought that the Jedis, the Force, everything was a legend, a myth. Still, I’m here.

What I’m about to do is risky, everyone has said it to me, but I can’t live with an echo at the back of my mind that says that I could have done more.

I’m standing before the entrance of the dark part of the Island. I can feel the darkness, the whispers, surrounding me. It’s not the first time I have felt it; neither is the first time it has tempted me. But now I know the feeling, the power that it has, and it doesn’t appeal to me the same way because I no longer want something from it.

Now I know what I want, I know what I’m searching and I’m sure of the purpose that it has.

I take a deep breath and I let myself in.

The mirror is different this time. When I touch it I’m not in a long line of myselfs, but in some kind of labyrinth of dark stone. A shiver goes down my spine. I close my eyes and I try to summon all the Force I can bare in this place, begging for some kind of guidance.

“ _Keep walking, Rey_.” The voice is a little bit distorted, but I’ll give it all that it’s Luke’s.

I try to see it like a training season, I let everything that surrounds me impregnate me. I try to picture the end, where I want to go, and then I open my eyes and I start walking. A few times in my life have I been this concentrated, I give it all and I don’t let anything distract me, not even the deafening sound of my heartbeat.

The cold embraces every inch of my being. I start to tremble, and I’m not completely sure if it’s only due to the cold.

A few more turns, a few more mistakes, only a few steps further, and I’m back facing the icy wall that hunted me one year ago.

While I extend my hand and rest it in the stone, I try to picture him.

“Let me see him,” I whisper, in some reminiscing way of what it feels like a life ago. “Please.”

My heart begs for some answer, and if I have to drown in darkness I will. I’m not scared, not anymore, and even more of what I feel. I want to feel again; I want to know that I’m embracing every part of what it’s inside me. And he is part of me. I haven’t come this far to quit now.

When I’m about to ask again, something changes.

Just as before, this is different. The wall starts to dye in black ink. No shadow this time, no image shown. I want to withdraw my hand, but I can’t, I’m just as frozen as the ambient around me. A second after, I’m vacuumed inside the darkness.

For a few seconds I’m so lost I want to scream if it wasn’t for the cold.

I can see my breath.

The image before me is no longer pitch black, but I don’t truly recognize it. It has starts dotted all over the sky —or what I suppose is the sky— and the floor is cracked old stone. I can’t picture the end on neither side, only a few rocks here and there. But the space, over all, looks ethereal, no clear edge and blurred lines.

“Where am I”, I ask without expecting an answer.

But then, my world shatters into a million pieces.

I hear him. And I feel blissful.

_“We’re a dyad in the Force; two that are one.”_

“Ben”, I whisper.

I want to see him, more than anything in the world.

As an answer to my rogation, a few meters from me, something starts to take shape in the ground. At first I think that it’s just another rock, but then the surroundings also start to shift into somewhere else. The ground is still flooded with rocks, but now they seem familiar, with cracks in them and an absorbent atmosphere.

Maybe a beat too late I realise what’s happening.

I’m not longer on Ahch-To.

The figure in the ground is no longer a strange shape, but a person, someone dressed full black entirely covered in wounds and blood.

“Ben!” I scream.

I start running towards him, but, at certain point, I don’t get any closer. Frustration starts to infect me, like some poison that runs through my blood, annihilating whatever is in the way. I star to scream, louder and without control.

He’s there!

His leg is in a strange angle, there’s a deep cut in his visible arm and, despite the black shirt, I see blood in his side.

My eyes burn and I don’t stop screaming.

“When I asked to see him I didn’t meant like that! Let me get closer!”

His hair is scattered in the ground and he’s in such position I can’t even see his face, not even a glimpse.

The tears burn in my eyes with frustration.

“Let me go!” I scream to whatever mystic entity is holding me back.

I want to go to him, I want to hug him and watch his smile again. I just need to see him breathe.

I can’t control my body, neither my mind, from shattering into a million pieces when I realise I can’t move. I fight against this invisible force that is preventing me from going to him, but nothing happens. I try to look to elsewhere, maybe to try to find something —I don’t know what— that could help me to figure out why the Force is showing me this. It’s extremely frustrating and I feel so useless it makes me sob.

The image of him lying in the floor doesn’t stop hurting, but it’s when the pain allows me to feel something else, that I realise that the Force signature of this place is the same one as in the cave. A Dark Force.

The realization hits me.

What the books said. Exegol is one of the approximations in representation of the Worlds between Worlds in our galaxy, and it’s connected to through a hyperspatial waypoint to Ahch-To. There’s the connection! Ahch-To is just a mirror, a balance in the Force for Exegol just the same way… Just the same way Ben is my balance. This isn’t real, now I can feel it. With that realization I start to understand why I’m seeing this picture.

I let out another sob, but now of happiness.

If I’m here, in this side of the Force, it just means he’s there, in the other side of the Force. A balance, a ying and yang situation.

Darkness rises and Light to meet it.

Words spoken a lifetime ago resonate inside me.

He’s really there.

With dried tears in my cheeks I’m finally able to move, just one move from my hand and everything cracks just as glass.

I drop to my knees before the mirror from the beginning.

“I can bring him back,” I say with a soft whisper, just to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in the longer side because I don't know if I'm going to be able to post as soon as I have done it now because I have a few finals now in January. But! I loved writing this scene, actually, it was the scene that made me wrote all of this.   
> I just updated this to a 5 chapter work (and I thought it would be a One shot, ha!) and I would like to know (because it's my first time writing for the reylo community) if you prefer longer stories with several chapters or a One Shot with all the story there...
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments, the kudos and the reading, truly <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last opportunity. Rey is so close she can feel it in here, but now is where she has to deliver, not only because of Ben, but because of her.   
> She's ready.

In my way back to where we are staying I realize that is latter than what I thought, for that, I try to speed up my walk in order to arrive sooner to the Falcon. I don’t want my friends to get worried, at least, not more than what they already are.

Poe is the only one I by the fire.

“Hey!” He exclaims when he sees me. He sounds worried.

It’s the first time I’m a little bit self-conscious about how I might look. Certainly not good if Poe looks at me with such a look.

“I’m fine,” I bark before he even has time to say something.

“You don’t look as if you’re ‘fine’.”

I drop besides him, the fire warming my tired limbs up. My brain is just a mush of different and confused thoughts that I no longer know how to process them. A second ago I was so sure of what I was doing, of what I think I have just discovered, but now a sore feeling is trying to tear me apart piece by piece.

Not even grapping that tiny spark of hope —and Force— where he is supposed to be is helping me right now.

“I saw him,” I mutter.

Poe turns his head to me.

“You… what?”

“I saw him. Dead. In what I think is Exegol.” I’m really trying to not let that image hunt me into my worst nightmares. I can see Poe trying to pronounce something, but I speak first. “He was there… Because of me. And I couldn’t even feel him, as much as I try to reach for him.” I look at him and then I sniff. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this.”

“I can listen.”

“And I can feel your discomfort. And disapprovement.”

“You can’t expect me to accept all of this as if it was…” He just frowns and doesn’t finish the sentence.

“I’m not expecting you anything,” I snap.

“I just… He… I can’t think about him other than Kylo Ren.”

I want to understand him —a part of me does— but the image of his dead body it’s still chiselled in my retina.

“You think I don’t know that? Everyone that knows who Kylo Ren actually is will ask for his head, and the ones that doesn’t know will want to murder Ben for failing Leia. I know all of this. Believe me. I have been trying to fight against it for more than a year. But… I just know there’s something we don’t know about him and… I love Leia with my whole heart, but there were things that… she did wrong.”

There’s a tense pause, words falling heavy between us. This might be the first time I have ever had the chance to ramble about whatever I feel concerning Ben Solo. In a hut not far from here I felt his loneliness, his desperation to feel loved, accepted. That had to mean something, furthermore, Leia always talked about guilt and mistakes that were made when he was just a child.

“I heard Leia crying over him. Multiple times. It pissed me off so much. What I would give to have my mother by my side. He had everything and he… he teared everything apart.”

My heart shrinks inside my chest, recognizing these same thoughts. _‘Why did you kill him? Why did you hate him?’_ These questions burned inside my chest, hating him because he had everything I daydreamed when I couldn’t sleep. And then everything changed because I saw _him_ , and I learned that there was so much more that I didn’t know about him, about his life, about who he really was beneath the mask, about his upbringing. In the throne room I could sneak up a little bit of what Snoke did to him, but I know there is more that hides in the deeps of his head. And I want to learn it.

“I… I’m not gonna apologise for him. This is something he has to do when the time comes.” I let out a heavy breath, too tired from today. “But I think we don’t know the full picture. The way he fought with me… He didn’t hesitate a second in saving me. And Leia believed in him so much… Han too, I’m sure. And now I believe in him. He gave up the power that could have given him the galaxy. He could have destroyed me a million times and he didn’t.”

“Leia deserved better. The galaxy deserved better.”

I want to muter that he also deserved better, that he deserved understanding, and a life without conflict, but I know it will only push things a little bit too far, and I don’t want that. At least not right now.

“Think about this, if he’s back with us, he will help us take down the First Order once and for all.”

“That’s the least he can do.”

The conversation dies in that moment. I don’t longer want to talk about all the bad things Kylo Ren has done, I just want to embrace that little spark of hope that burns inside me since the cave. He’s there, now I know it. This is no longer a race against a fairytales, now is a race for him.

* * *

When everybody waked up the next morning I explain them, briefly, what I already knew and that I’m going to travel to Exegol. Although I wait a few seconds; I already know that everyone in this ship —including the porgs that have already set a nest in the Falcon— will come with me.

I’m not wrong.

“Are you ready?” asks Rose, with BB-8 by her side, when we jump to light speed.

“I don’t know. I feel like I’m walking with a blindfold. I don’t know what I’m going to face, or what I have to do.” I sink a little bit in the cushions of the seat. “I’m so scared, Rose… This is what I have been thinking for the last few days. This is where all my hope lays. What will I do if I fail?”

That’s probably what terrifies me the most. The aftermath that can come if I don’t manage to success on this quest. I don’t want to feel his loss again, not after experiencing the hope that all this plan has settled on me. Part of me knows that this has been one of my worsts ideas, putting all of my hope into only one thing that could break me, if not forever, for a long time. I don’t want to have an ugly scar that hurts every time I look at it.

Instinctively, I touch the scar of my upper arm, the one that looked just as two hands touching. Irony.

“You don’t have to think like this… I know it’s complicated, well, I probably don’t know. But, what I want to say is that you can’t lose hope in this, but most importantly, in yourself. You can achieve whatever you want. I know that, for sure. And you too.”

Without hesitation I throw myself to Rose’s arms. She wraps her arms around me and squishes me. How bad I needed this. I hug her closer, thanking her in silence as I let comfort invade me.

“Thank you.”

“Hey, that’s why I’m here.”

“You’re the best friend anyone could ask for.”

We stay in silence for a few minutes, and it’s when we finally separate that I see in her eyes that she has a question to ask me.

“Just say it.”

She takes a deep breath.

“What made you change your mind about Ky— him?”

“It’s… It was slow, without realising what was happening. I discovered this deep connection that I had with him, not because of the Bond, but because… I— I understood him, and he understood me. He knew how I was feeling and he supported me, and he never ever thought less of me because I was… Well, who I think I was back then. And when I had a glimpse of the torment he had inside him it almost teared me apart, so I could only imagine what he would be feeling. He was Ben with me.” I shake my head. “I don’t know how to explain it properly, but he was Ben with me, I saw him beneath of all the darkness and torment.” I look at Rose, who’s paying close attention to me. “Or maybe the scavenger part on me saw a broken thing and just wanted to fix it.”

I don’t believe these last words, I’m pretty sure of what I feel for him. Sad that I realise that about now.

“You know, I might not be a Jedi, but I’m pretty good at knowing if someone is lying to me.”

“And what’s your verdict?”

BB-8 beeps.

“You’re not a liar, Rey. And you aren’t a naïve person.” She smiles at me. “I just wanted you to hear it, in order to know your point of view for when I face him and I’ve to remember your words to not shoot him down.”

Despite her words, I let out a laugh. Maybe the first one since all of this started.

* * *

My anxiety starts to boils up when the Falcon leaves the light speed and we face the turbulent red atmosphere which resembles more to an electric storm than a viable route. I can’t stop the tap that my finger does against the co-pilot sit. Chewie is the one piloting, I don’t think I would have been able to do it, not when all my body is shaking.

What will I do if I fail? What I’m going to do if after all of what I have been through I end up failing? My chest weights with the thought of losing him again, to experience the pain that I felt when he disappeared all over again. I can’t.

I jump on the seat when i notice someone putting his hand on my shoulder.

Finn.

“Breath.”

I do as so, and then I look at Chewie, who also breathes before pulling the controls to enter Exegol’s atmosphere.

My heartbeats are so loud I think they resemble the electric storm outside, pondering against my chest as if my heart couldn’t stay here. I hate this place with my whole being, so much pain that I can’t wrap my head around it.

Chewie begs me to pay more attention and I try to do it. But I can hear Palpatine’s voice at the back of my head. As much as I have tried, I’m unable to forget everything that was said and done in those grounds, it hunts my dreams and I can’t believe I’m going there again.

The Falcon trembles as we drive through the storm, and it only gets easier when we are pass it. But then, the heartbreaks happens.

The way I’m unable to look at the ground is just surreal. I’m frozen in my site. What if Exegol is such a mess it’s impossible to walk through it? What if, whatever was here to help me reach Ben, is destroyed because of the battle?

What if there’s no way to bring him back?

I shiver at the thought. This is going to consume me at some point if there’s no solution. I feel as it crawls inside me, taking possession of every inch of my body. Maybe it’s the place, wild and dark; or maybe it’s me, feeling the feral force that feeds my anger and frustration towards what happened that day. But I hate this feeling. I hate this place.

I recall Chewie calling me and I can’t help but blush when I realize that, again, I have slipped out.

“Sorry,” I breath out.

“Do you want me to do the landing?” Poe asks.

“No, I can do it.” I’m not sure if that’s true, or if I can do it, but I’m gonna try as much as I can.

I breath once more. Just a little more.

With Chewie being the one piloting the Millennium Falcon, we do our best to land between the ruin the debris of the cruises. It truly looks as a battle ground. After a few tries, we manage to land as close as possible to the entrance of this horrible worlds.

We feel a hit when we land. I turn off the engine. Here we go.

As soon as I get up from the sit, a strong feeling in the Force almost knocks me down. Chewie catches me by the arm and then I can stabilize myself. Gosh, I forgot how strong the Force is here. Furthermore, I think that now is even stronger.

We set everything in order to enter the secret world of the Siths. I have tried to convince everyone to stay here, afraid that something might happen to them if they follow me. I don’t want them to suffer the same fate as the last person that followed me here did. But they refuse to do so, “We started this together, and we’ll finish this together,” has said Rose. “We are family.” Chewie’s words cut even deeper knowing that he has also lost what was his family. I just hope that, by bringing Ben back, he will feel that he has restored something of this family— his family.

So here we are, in front of the door of the Falcon, waiting for the ramp to drop. I can feel every part of me burning in anticipation, eager to start running towards whatever is waiting for me there. But it is now that all I know will be teased, not only my knowledge, but my training as a Jedi. I can’t fail Leia in this. I have to give all of me to succeed in this. I have to do it.

I feel a squeeze in my hand and, when I look down, I see Rose’s hand on mine and when I look up I see a smile. That gesture just gives me the pump up that I need to look back at the door —which is already descending— ready to face whatever is there.

The air shifts at the moment that we —really— see Exegol in person.

I have been here just a week ago, more or less, but it feels like such a long time.

Even now, it’s hard for me to wrap my head around all that happened here.

My heart stops when, despite all the pieces that are broken in the ground, I can see his TIE fighter.

This is for him.

“Just… Be with me, a little longer,” I mutter with his smile in mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that I just keep adding chapters, but I want to this as perfect as I can, and I want to do justice to Ben and Rey.   
> Now we're in Exegol, and it's time to see what lies ahead there.  
> Thank you for keeping up with me and this story.   
> Love you <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally... Rey is ready to face Exegol, and whatever lays down there, even the other world.

“Please, everyone stay behind me, at least do that.” I start walking without expecting an answer, this is dangerous and I won’t take any risk, not if I can help it.

A lighting snaps in the horizon.

It stills creeps me out as the first time. But I don’t stop and I keep going. As afraid as I am, I’m not sure to let myself open to the Force, but I’m so eager to feel something that tells me that Ben is here that I don’t care at all. However, I don’t feel him, it’s just the same feeling as before and that overdose of the Force.

It gets rough when we stumble upon the downfall, where the platform stood before and now it was missing. I have to gather all my courage and create a plan that allows us to go down there. It takes us a while, and I start to get so anxious that Poe has to calm down and I end up shouting at him. It’s Rose that discovers that there is some sort of a chain under the floor, so we only need to go get there.

After a few arguments, I’m the one that will go first.

I have to jump and, for a few seconds, I’m falling to the void. But then, something inside me tells me to extend my hand and grab it. The hit hurts, but now I’m grabbing a huge chain. I have to remind myself to keep it calm and not overthink what has just happened.

What was that? _Who_ was that.

I shout at them that I’m fine, but then…

“Guys! I had to use the Force to stop the fall! You should search for a rope, a string or something that you could use to descend.”

“Chewie says he thinks there is something in the Falcon,” answers Finn.

“Perfect!”

“Rey! Don’t do anything stupid or dangerous till we get there.”

I don’t answer because I feel a pull… something too seductive to resist it. There’s something down there, I just now it, I feel it.

Trying to catch something from the Force, I keep descending till I hit the ground.

The same cold sensation that invaded me the first time I saw the statues gets me. A shiver goes through me. This place is really sinister, something I haven’t seen or felt in any other place that I have been.

I feel my heart grow heavier in my chest as the seconds pass by. Everything seems different but the same in some strange way. There are ruins everywhere and, what was Palpatine’s laboratory, it’s totally destroyed, there isn’t anything that tells me that this was the place where the Emperor hided with his enormous float. I keep walking, without even glancing at it due to the fear of seeing something that I don’t want to.

My steps become a little insecure, and I have to do a little stop when I realize I’m close of what was the throne room —certainly I have a story with that kind of rooms; and in both of them I have lost him.

I shake my head and I tell myself that I’m able to do this and whatever I want. These are just my first steps and I’m going to make sure that there are confident ones.

I lift my chain and I take the last steps that will lead me to the throne room.

Without a doubt this is the place that has been more affected for what happened here, but not because of the space war that took place above it, but because Palpatine’s defeat, and that meant that it just looks the same as the last time I ran away from here.

A knot starts to tight my throat when I recognize the place where Ben and I kissed. Where he gave his life for mine. I let out a chuckle and I try to battle against the sob that it’s growing in me. He was there, we were there, together and… I have never felt so happier as I did when I was in his arms, feeling him, feeling wanted and accepted while watching his stunning smile.

“Where are you, Ben?”

But my voice gets lose in the bare space.

Yes, I have arrived to Exegol and yes, I have discovered the balance that this place means. But what now?

I swallow the angst that has settled in my throat and I keep walking till I stand in the same spot he was. I kneel when I feel my legs are going to give up. Here it was, this is where everything started, and ended at the same time.

The truth is that I have been prepared for anything, or at last this is what I like to think— but not to face such emptiness.

What do I have to do now? What are my next steps?

I don’t want to lose hope, but standing right here, in the middle of Exegol, being totally clueless, I feel the most helpless I have felt since the beginning of this plan.

‘Please, Rey, please; think,’ I say to myself.

Exegol is the balance for Ahch-To, one for the Jedi and one for the Sith; light and darkness. That I know. But… the cave is the one that told me this, about the connection between these two places. Moreover, the cave is, allegedly, the dark spot of the island. If this two places are supposed to be a mirror of the other, this has to mean that Exegol has to have a light spot.

That has to be!

I let out a gasp at the sudden realization.

Can ‘the light spot’ be the way to enter the World Between Worlds? According to the Jedi texts, Exegol is connected to this other world, or reality or whatever it is. This isn’t a crazy idea, not at all.

I look around, then at the ground under me, where Ben laid once, and I try to hold into this tiny hope.

Now I just have to find it.

I start by going to what seems to be a laboratory, passing by the tanks that different Snokes resided. Disgusting. I try to not think about this as I go deeper in all this —dark— stuff.

I can clearly sense the darkness in all that surrounds me. It’s almost intoxicating and it makes me confused. But now, more than ever, I have to resist the temptation and I have to focus on the warm feeling that the light side provides.

When I arrive at the end of the lab, I sense something coming from one of the walls at my left. When I’m closer enough, I realize that it’s not a wall but a door, supposedly a secret door. Above that, an inscription is written in pompous calligraphy: ‘Only by the true blood the secret will be shown; those who try to access without its truthful heir of the…’ and yada, yada.

Palpatine, this was… Palpatine’s.

If this isn’t irony… what would it be.

With no confidence at all, I place a hand upon a particular spot I just feel is the proper one. And it is. A crack breaks into the place and the wall moves a little bit, just enough so I can enter through a small alley.

And when I think this place can surprise me more… It just hits me in the face.

I’m standing in a very sinister room —I don’t even know if it deserves the name ‘room’ it’s just an open space craved into the rock of Exegol. But is there, full of datapats, papers, books and a lot of things I don’t have any idea of what they are. The room is stacked till the ceiling and I start to feel overwhelmed. If I have to go through all of this —which I will do— it’s going to take me a lot of time.

A new weight bares my heart.

I shake my head. If this is going to take time, the best I can do is to start now. For that, I start walking through the room, searching for anything that ignites a sparkle inside of me, something that makes me shiver from excitement of fear, anything would work. But nothing. The only thing that I can feel is my annoyances building up till reach the state of anger.

With a growl, I hit a stack of book that fall into the ground.

It’s just a moment of vulnerability, but it’s there, dark and crawling inside of me, wanting to be feed. And this is the worst place where I can lose control. I take a deep breath and I try to break through all the threads and crosswords that try to tangle me up in them. I’m stronger than this, I’m better.

I try to concentrate in the pull of the light that’s inside of me, I even try to reach that tiny spot where the leftovers of… of what was the greatest connection I have ever had now remained.

Something snaps inside me, or outside me, I can’t tell. It leaves me breathless, and a pressure starts to build in my head, just where Ben was supposed to be.

I turn around when I feel that somebody is watching me. There’s no one, but I still feel it, a presence that is close to me. Firstly, I think of my friends —wherever they are now— but this is more, something stronger and that calls me almost as a song.

What if…?

“Ben,” I ask, my voice trembling.

There’s no answer. But the pressure doesn’t disappear, even more, I can feel a titillate movement in the Bond. Now it’s the moment, I just know it.

I start to scavenge —I hope Ben is laughing at this— through the room, and it doesn’t take long to realize that this was all Palpatine’s investigations on how to recover his strength and how to become immortal. He really though he was invincible. On one of the walls there’s a huge poster that has notes everywhere. “The Mortis Gods,” I read. I start to read all the notes and indications that are glued everywhere.

He wanted to enter the World Between Worlds.

Fear rushes towards me. What if… What if he did when he died? Or worse, what if he has destroyed it? This was my last hope to bring Ben back, I can’t lose him too.

I try to remain positive and not think about what he did or how far he went in his investigation. The answer comes pretty quickly when I reach the furthest in the room, where the poster is slightly ripped and there are marks in the wall behind it. It stops here.

And I feel it in my bones: he didn’t make it, he didn’t find it.

How I will find the entrance if the most powerful Sith couldn’t.

“But you’re a Jedi, not a Sith,” says a voice inside me.

I am.

I close my eyes and I breath, deeply. “Be with me,” I whisper. “Be with me one last time.” I picture Leia, and Luke; Ben. Dizziness starts to surround me and I start to not feel the darkness of the place, the cold is substituted by a warm feeling that it’s expanding more and more, filling up the place.

“It’s dangerous,” I hear a voice whisper. Luke.

“I don’t care,” I whisper.

“How far are you willing to go?” Now it’s a different voice, warmer and softer. Maternal. Leia.

“Till the end,” I say with tears in my words.

“He’s not with us, he’s too stubborn to let go of what he still has, even if that means being stuck.” I want to open my eyes, I want to see if there’s someone beside me in all this warmth, but I’m afraid I will lose the connection if I do so. “Extend your hand, Rey.” I do as the voice says. “Tell him I’m proud of him, that all of us are proud of him. And that I can’t wait to see him live the life I give up for mere stupidity.”

When I’m about to ask who is the man’s voice, something touches my hand.

The air shifts, it’s almost as if it’s sucked by a reactor. I feel like I’m going to be blown away at any moment, but then it stops and I fall to my knees.

I’m in a pitch black place, just as Ahch-To. I hug myself at the sudden change of temperature. Where am I? I start walking around without a clue of what I have to do or what is this place? Am I in the World Between Worlds?

As sudden as this thought comes to me, the floor starts to shake and I panic when I realize I don’t have anything to cover myself or protect myself. As an instinct I search for my lightsabre in my belt, but it’s not there. I look around, not getting what’s happening till the point I can’t stand in my feet and I fall.

When I look up, just when the tremble seems to stop, I see someone in the floor, a few meters from me. My breath starts to go faster, the same as my heartbeat. Is he…

“Ben!” I scream with all my willpower.

I start to run as fast as I can, but it happens the same as in Ahch-To. I start to scream and hit the invisible wall that it’s preventing me from meeting him. My screams start to get drowned by the sound of rocks falling everywhere, as if the place was collapsing just as what I feel. With fear, I try to cover myself. That only lasts a few seconds. I’m back in the darkness, but now it’s different. I can sense the floor, and the place isn’t as cold as before.

Suddenly, I hear a woman scream. It isn’t fear, she is just calling a name. “Ben!”

I turn around to see a picture formed in front of me. I recognize the woman; Leia. And I also recognize Chewie, and little Ben. A sob comes to me at the image of the lanky tiny boy with rebel black hair and big ears. He’s covered in mood and he is pouting.

“How many times I have to tell you that you can’t use the Force like that?”

“But it wasn’t my fault! They just were making fun of me and the… everything started to move and…”

“Enough.” Tears started to appear in Ben’s eyes and I felt my heart flinch. “Chewie, please, accompany Ben to change, I have to attend a reunion.”

Ben starts to walk beside Chewbacca, shoulders lowered and discouraged. “See, my boy? Nobody understand what you’re capable off. They are afraid of what you can do.”

Snoke. 

I took a step forward. But the image disappears and I’m left with a broken heart. He must have been only five or so when this took place. He was so… sad.

“What’s up, Solo? Alone again? What a surprise! You’re just a freak” Rey moves to face another image, now she’s in front of a group of teen with what it seems to be Jedi clothes. There’s another boy, seated in the skirt of a tree with his tall and lanky figure curled up, as if he wanted to make himself smaller. Ben.

“You can beat them, you’re stronger than them. They aren’t rivals.” That voice again. It makes me mad to know that I can’t stop this, that I can’t do anything for Ben, now with the tips of his ears blushed and hiding behind his book.

“You know, Solo? We have a beat. How long it will take you to became a crazy pants psychopath as your granddady!”

“Enough!” The scream that Ben makes shakes all the forest and sends a few meters aback his peers.

I can’t do anything but smile at the power and high that now he has, but then I see his scared look, how he extends his trembling hands with fear. He’s afraid of him.

“Well done, my boy.”

“Get away from him,” I scream at the image before me, but it does nothing because this has already happened. Ben already has cried because of this and he has just started hating himself for it.

The image disappears again and I have to move a few steps to find a glowing fire, burning the space with screams full of accusations. Ben is in front of the Jedi Academy, covered in ashes and tears, hands up and pleading for understanding before another fellow Jedi. I can’t listen anything they are saying, but I don’t need to in order to understand what’s happening. Ben seems to be torn apart, suffering from inside to the outside till it breaks him. An explosion shakes the image and the last thing I can see is Ben running towards the woods while the Knight of Ren approach the Academy.

When I step forward, some part of me in need to reach out for Ben, he disappears, only to shift the image and now I’m in front of the infamous Kylo Ren. My breath gets stuck in my throat. He’s standing there, dressed in black and holding the stupid mask in one hand. His eyes break me; they are so sad, so broken and conflicted that I put a hand above my heart to ease the pain I’m feeling only because of his look. He seems so lost. Then again, I’m face to face with Snoke —I want, so badly, to kill him— who’s talking to Ben, well, Kylo in this narrative. He has his shoulders shrunken and he’s looking at the ground. Then, and I don’t know why because I can’t listen to what they are saying, Snoke approaches Ben and electrifies him.

“No!” I scream, but again, I can’t do anything.

It shocks my being to see Ben in the ground, shaking and screaming due to the pain and the torture…

The worst part comes when the image morphs into tiny pieces and I can see millions of moments where Ben is being tortured. There’s physical pain, but there’s also psychological torture with words that Snoke whispered —and screamed— at him for years. I can see his change from a scared boy, to an angry man.

The image disappears and I’m surround with darkness again. Tears burn in my eyes and there’s a fire that consumes me as long as my need to cry for him. He didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve to become a target since the day he was born, he didn’t deserve to be judged and pressured due to his bloodline, and he, for sure, didn’t deserve to die, not after all this pain. Has he ever been happy, truly happy?

“I can show you the ways of the Force.”

“Ben!” I scream, but there’s nothing around me.

“Why is the Force connecting us, you and me?”

Memories of him burn in my head. What would I give to…?

I can’t develop the idea any further because another image is form a few meters away from me.

A sob breaks from my throat when I see the new scene.

It’s us, in the hut, in what seems to be another life. I can sense my own tremble and sadness, but all my focus is on his warm eyes and the connections that surrounds us.

“You’re not alone.”

“Neither are you.”

His voice is like a knife, straight to my heart because here I am, alone, in whatever place this is, trying to believe in a legend that would bring my other half back.

When the Throne Room moment starts to show, a recurrent pain I had back then comes again. It hurts me so much to think how close we thought we were from each other when, in reality, we were in opposite spectrums of the light.

But he couldn’t kill me, and I wanted to take his hand. How many things would have been different if we had chosen different. Now, I’m scared to think that I would do anything to change the end of his story, even if that meant surrender myself.

“But I do.”

The Death Star fight starts to happen and I can recall every feeling that hit me that day.

I remember the anger, the pain in my muscles when I tried to stop him. That was the moment when I realised that he has never wanted to kill me, or harm me, or even win, because if he really wanted to, he could have beaten me easily.

And then Leia’s death, and his pain. It had drowned me; it was so deep and intense that I was unable to think straight and I only wanted to stop it. This is why I didn’t realize what was happening till another pain rushed through the Bond: I stabbed him.

I felt him dying. He couldn’t breath —neither I could— and I swear I don’t know how he still could look at me when all that pain was washing him all over.

When I healed him I felt our bond as never before. It sparkled with its own life and it was so strong that I healed him without problem. And when I took his ship I knew it, Kylo Ren was dead and Ben Solo lived.

I don’t know if this is the World Between Worlds and the Force was trying to prove something from all of this, but I’m not ready to see, to experience Exegol all over again. I have enough with my nightmares.

But there aren’t more images and everything banishes.

The time passes and, when I start to feel a little bit anxious about the situation two forms take shape in the distance. In the first place, I start walking slowly, with respect of what it would be, but as the figures start to take shape I start running.

They aren’t only ‘shapes’ but they are Luke and Leia.

“Luke! Leia!” But as much as I run, I can’t never approach them.

I want to scream but my voice never leaves my throat. I need to cry; I need to run faster but my legs can’t move anymore. I push forward as much as I can, but it seems to never be enough. This reminds me of the feeling that overwhelmed me in Ahch-To. The thought that I’m missing something starts to hit me so strong that it gives me breathless.

And then, everything stops.

I can’t see them anymore and I fall to the ground —if I’m standing somewhere— exhausted from… everything really.

A buzz starts to fill the air and suddenly I can see I’m standing in a jet black surface, slick as the polished floor of a spaceship, because some kind of light is illuminating the place. When I look up to see what I’m going to witness next, I no longer remember how to breath.

With my legs shaking, I get up to stand before an oval shape circle —white and bright— where I can see Ben inside it.

I break.

Tears are falling for my cheeks without control and my hands are trying to contain my heart that wants to run to him. He looks so good, so happy. He’s smiling, not a single wound to be seen, messy hair and arms crossed above his chest. He’s wearing casual clothes, something I have never thought I would witness. I could see him like this forever and I won’t get tired.

His eyes shift, no longer looking at the distance, but at me. I have to remember to myself to breath and not move, afraid that he will disappear if I do a wrong move.

“We're a dyad in the force, Rey, two that are one.”

That’s his voice, but it sounds distant and he isn’t moving his lips.

Fear starts to run inside me and his image starts to fade.

“No,” I breath. “I need him.” I’m not afraid of begging, no when it comes to him, to his life.

But a cruel laugh breaks through the space. He moves and looks at something that it’s behind him. When he looks back at me, his smile has disappeared and I can se worry painted in his fractions.

“Stand together, die together.”

“Stop!”

But there’s nothing I can do before a cruel and sadistic laugh that colds me down breaks through the space and Ben disappears again, leaving me in the dark.

I fall again, tired of everything, tired of having hope, and tired of losing the ones I care about— the ones I love. I can feel the need so deep in my I’m afraid I will never get used to live with such a hole inside me. Why would the Force show me, during years, all these visions of our future if he was going to be ripped away from me?

“We were a fucking balance!” I scream in anger.

I curl myself in the floor, cold wind starting to blow around me.

I don’t care anymore. I can’t care anymore.

I just can’t.

But then, I feel a warm hand on my head and then a whisper, a melodic voice I’m very familiar with.

Leia.

“Stand together, love together.”

And the darkness takes it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you enjoying it? Ah! I'm so exited I have posted this finally!  
> Sorry if I haven't posted it earlier, but I'm tangled in exams and works so it has been a little difficult to write it. And I wanted to do justice with this chapter.  
> I hope y'll liked it and see you in the next chapter.  
> (I might extend it to 7 but I'm not sure, what do y'll think?)


	6. Chapter 6

Little by little I’m starting to feel my surroundings. I’m afraid to open my eyes and discover that I just have hit my head and all that was a cruel vision. Or even worse, that I did get there and I didn’t accomplish my purpose, my desire.

A single tear rolls down my cheek.

How am I going to carry over with everything after this?

I can still feel Ben’s screams when he was being tortured. I can still see the scared look in his face when hi outgrow his powers, or when everyone started to fear him. I can sense his soul being torn apart as if it was mine. I don’t think I’ll be ever over the fact that his life has only been a constant suffering and that it ended… in such a way.

For a brief moment I’m angry at myself, even disgusted. I’m the reason of that, or the reason why he isn’t here. It’s so frustrating to know that you’re the reason why this person, which is so important for you, isn’t here. I don’t want to feel ungrateful for what he did, but I can’t stop thinking that it isn’t fair, that he deserved to be here as much as I do.

But it was his choice, and despite being angry about it, what I have to do now is respect it and cope with it, even if that goes against everything that I wish. Also, there’s the fact that right now I’m the only thing that remains of him, of his good actions, and his story; and I’ll live by that.

I drag my feet —and spirit— to the exit of this evil room. I hope my friends aren’t far away because I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold to much more without collapsing.

I feel tired, and sad. So sad. It breaks me through my whole body and I feel ill to the core to face the future. This is going to consume me. Not that I care. Maybe this will be for the better. I just hope the Force disappears, not only like a turn off button, but totally gone. I can’t live with this feeling of having a wound that will never close because there’s something more.

I go to the throne room, where I’ll wait for my friends and then I’ll see what I do next.

But I’m not alone.

There’s a lump in the ground, and it’s not another rock.

This is another vision; this is not real.

But there’s a shift in the Force, which is beating as a life form. It pulls me over and over, and it’s so strong I start feeling dizzy. It has been a hot minute since I felt like this, that I felt the Force like _that_.

I walk a few steps, legs shaking in fear and anticipation.

It can’t be.

My heartbeat starts to race up. I don’t want to experience another vision or fantasy, I don’t —and can’t— go through it again.

But my heart isn’t listening. Not that I want to.

The fact that _he_ is there it’s just so surrealist that I can’t wrap my head around the idea.

I don’t want to approach him only to discover that I can’t get near him or that he’s just another fantasy.

But it’s been a while since I have felt the Force like this, bumming in excitement as I realize that he is actually there.

I don’t care that my legs hurt, I don’t care that my body screams at me to slow down because it can’t go faster; I do everything that I can to run towards him as fast as I’m able to. My surroundings start to be blurry and I can only think about what is this, what is happening, and how I do get there faster.

Without caring about anything, I drop besides him and a cry breaks through my soul when I see his face.

He’s really here.

My knees hurt, but I push forwards myself in order to hold him against my chest, holding him as closer as I can. One of my shaking hands goes to his neck and I let out a sob that has also a laugh interspersed when I sense his pulse. This can’t be happening; he can’t be again in my arms. Maybe I died? No, I don’t think so, I wouldn’t feel as crapy as I feel right now, don’t I?

I bend over till my forehead is touching his, and it’s when I feel his breath against my lips that I feel life coming to me again.

I’m afraid of moving, of doing anything that can break this moment. I’m starting to feel as a whole again, the wound is healing and our bond seems to beat once at it did before, or even stronger. I feel overwhelmed when I realize that now I have all the time in the world to explore this deep connection with him alongside with me. Not only that, but everything in the galaxy that can be of any interest, like the Force, the balance, everything related to the Jedi, or like himself.

I stroke my thumb in his check and I breath out his name, like a sacred word.

He doesn’t react, and I have to remember that he just came back from the ¿dead? And he’s heavily wounded, so I have to have patience, even if it’s just a façade.

“Ben… Please, I need you to react in some way.” I move my free hand to his and I take it. An electric current travels over my arm and sends a shiver to my whole body. It’s intoxicating. “Take my hand, a brief squeeze will do.”

As my anxiety starts to build up with fear that something went wrong, I start to hear screams in the distance. My friends are here and I don’t know how to explain them everything that has happened.

But then a buzz in the bond makes me turn my head again towards Ben, and that’s because his eyelids start to tremble.

“Ben, it’s me, Rey. I’m here with you, I didn’t leave. I have come back. Please, Ben. I have come back to you.” I try to sound calm despite having a full breakdown inside me. I know that at some point I’m going to break and I’ll shout how mad I am at him for being so stupid, but now it’s not the right moment. “Don’t you dare not saying anything when…”

“Hmm…”

If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m almost laid down over him, I’m pretty sure I would have missed that tiny sound, but, with tears in my eyes, I smile.

After everything we went thru, he’s here —alive— and we’re together. All the weeks I have spent studying and reading ancient books till the point my eyes hurt now they seem insignificant besides him, besides the fact that I can feel how his body is warming up and how he’s chest is rising as he breathes. All the tears and pain doesn’t hurt anymore, and I would go through it a thousand times if this is the result.

“What… what’s… happen…” He doesn’t finish the sentence. His voice is deeper, raspy and so airy I fear it will disappear with the breeze.

“Rey!” I hear Finn’s scream.

“You’re alright. You’re here with me and I’ll explain everything to you once we’re out of here and I make sure that you’re, at least, okay.”

He hums again, but I feel how he squeezes my hand.

It amazes me how a person can put your word upside down in such little time. I have only known this man for over a year and a half, more or less, and he has become such a fundamental part of my life that it just scares me. I have lived all my life —at least the part I can remember— alone, fighting only for myself and without anyone that cared for me, or that I had to take care of; but now I’m here, we’re here. He gave up his life for me and I was ready to do the same for him.

“After this, I’m going to kill you. You can’t never, ever, leave me again.”

_“I promise.”_

I laugh in relieve. I missed the bond so much.

Chewie roars behind me and I turn my head to see my friends. They are staying a few meters aback, looking at us with an apprehensive look, not knowing what to do next. The thing is, neither do I. But then, Chewie walks towards us, slowly and being very careful about every step he takes. Just when he’s almost at out height, he stops. I can sense his despair and confusion, all the battling feeling that are inside him.

As if Ben knew what was happening, he lets out a growl, a flashlight of pain slicing through his body. I shiver at that.

That seems to be an incentive for Chewie because he walks the few steps that separates us and he kneels besides me, his eyes focused on Ben. Without being conscious of it, I grab Ben tighter, slightly worried of the reaction that he might have. Their last encounter wasn’t the best one, but I don’t feel rage or a feral anger coming from Chewie, and Ben seems to be calm. However, that doesn’t make me let my guard down.

A groan of pain escapes Ben’s lips again, and it shocks me because I can’t say where the pain is situated.

“Ben, what’s hurting you the most.” I’m starting to panic and I know that I’m not strong enough at the moment to Force heal him.

But because he doesn’t answer, I put a hand in his forehead, allowing the bond to be easier to reach. There’s a barrier, he’s blocking me. I might be weak, but he’s weaker, and I know I can push towards him and win.

“Stop.” His voice is almost non-existent, but I read his concern. “I don’t want you… to feel.”

I realize what’s happening, he’s trying to block me. A buzz in the back of my head whispers me to still try to break through it, but this is his choice and it wouldn’t be a good start to enter his mind without permission. But it’s frustrating, and painful to know that, despite of everything, he’s the one that it’s trying to protect me. As if I couldn’t handle a little bit of pain, of _his pain_.

“I need to know where are you hurt,” I whisper close to him.

I sit up and I look at him with a more analytic look.

I can’t believe he manages to save me when he was on the edge of death himself.

He has a dislocated shoulder and a nasty cut in the upper left of his arm. He also has several other cuts in the face, one in the eyebrow, another one in the cheek and a split lip. The shirt is ripped in different places, but the worst wound is in the right side, where I can still see blood bleeding. I wouldn’t be surprised if he also has a few broken rips. Then, what seems to be the worst wound: the leg that is in an awful position, meaning that it’s broken; and it also has a laceration in the tight. And I don’t want to think in everything that I can’t diagnose right now because I can’t see it.

And still, he managed to crave from a hole and give his life for mine.

“We need to move you… Maybe I can heal…”

_“Don’t.”_

_“You’re badly hurt.”_

_“You’re also tired. I can feel it.”_

_“I believe that you’re in no position to dictaminate when’s appropriate to use the Force healing, or not.”_

_“Not… not the same.”_ I start to feel him weakening, so I shoot a glance towards Chewie, who moves a little bit to be able to touch and grab Ben. He hasn’t look away from him since he has positioned himself by my side, keeping a steady look in the face of who resembles a lot to two of the most important persons of his life. I hope these two can work their relationship out because it would be a nice and beautiful gesture to the other members of this small and dysfunctional family, now shattered.

“Whatever you say,” I say out loud.

* * *

Despite Chewie —and all of us— being careful carrying Ben over the Falcon, I still can feel his pain in the bond, making me shiver now and then. The worst part is that I can’t focalize what hurts him the most, I only feel pain through my whole body, in some places even more than in others.

Suddenly, a piece of floor gives up and Chewie stumbles.

It all happens in slow motion and I’m unable to do something to prevent it. Chewie loses his balance and, because Poe tries to stabilize him, Ben is unable to bare his own weight and falls to the ground with a cry of pain.

I rush towards him and I start to panic when I feel his consciousness leaving the bond.

No, no, no! I grab his head and my heart stops when I feel something warm and viscous impregnating my hands.

Blood.

He’s bleeding.

“Ben! Ben! Stay with me! Please! We have to move you, but you have to remain conscious. Please, Ben. Just hold onto it a little bit longer.”

He doesn’t react and he’s on the verge of consciousness.

I’m going to try to heal his wound —even if it means harm myself— when I hear Chewie and then a tap in my shoulder. He looks at me without saying anything and, when I don’t move, he pushes me away from Ben. I want to protest, but Chewie is taking Ben in his arms, just as he was a tiny child. Ben doesn’t say anything, not a single sound, and his head falls back as he was boneless. I’m scared.

Without saying anything more, Chewie starts to walk faster and then we’re running up the ramp of the Falcon.

Something moves in the bond, as if he knows where we are and what does that mean. Poe and Finn run towards the cockpit whereas Chewie is looking at me, asking me what to do next.

This is probably the first time Ben has been in the Falcon since everything started.

“Let’s put him in the captain’s quarter.” I try to not feel Chewie rigidness towards the situation. I turn to Rose. “Please, look for anything medical and bring it to me. Also, a towel or something will also be amazing!” I scream when she starts running.

Some part of me has always tried to stay away from this particular room, sensing that it would be too much for me, with all the memories it would evoke on me about the people that stayed here once upon a time. But now, this is the most comfortable place in the ship for Ben. I just hope he doesn’t mind the choice once he woke up.

Chewie is the first one to enter and puts Ben in the bed. He occupies almost all the huge bed. I don’t need the Force to know that he is feeling a little awkward here, so I dismiss him, saying I’ll take care of him.

“ _Just… I can’t lose him again_.” His growl is soft and almost a whisper, but it brings tears to my eyes.

I just nod at him, unable to say something without breaking another piece from me. Now is the time to prove how strong I believe I am, even if this time around the test is emotional.

I look back at Ben. He’s so pale, so washed of, and every breath he takes on his own seems to be an unprecedented amount of work. Before Chewie leaves, I can feel a wave of sadness, anxiousness and guilt coming from him; for that, I give him a tiny smile, like a silent promise that this isn’t the end of his story. I just hope —and wish— I can be up to the expectation.

I’m afraid of what will happen if we don’t get to heal him now.

“There isn’t much.” Rose storms in and takes me by surprise, bringing a tone of things in her arms. “We must have used the vast majority last year.”

She drops everything by my side.

“I’ll find something. Thank you.”

“Whatever you need.” Rose tone makes it clear that it’s a plural statement. 

I nod just before she leaves the room.

And then, we’re alone.

Part of me just wants to stay looking at him, to absorb his presence and that he’s really stretched out in the bed, in the Falcon, as Ben Solo.

“You’re going to be okay. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand that's the reunion! Ugh, not gonna lie... getting here has been a journey, but one that makes me really proud. I just hope I have managed to get all the emotions and feelings I think we're supposed to be there in this scene.  
> I have added a 7th chapter, but that it's going to be the final one, and it's going to be emotional and more.  
> I hope you liked this chapter, and see y'll in the next one!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my longest chapter, and I really wish y'all enjoy it as much as I did writing it.

I do my best to recall my more practical side, the part of my that seeks for a solution to fix a broken part from anything I just found scavenging. Now, I don’t need to be Rey, the last Jedi, but Rey the mechanic and fixer. Because of that, I do a quick check of what Rose has brought to me. She was right in saying that there isn’t much, but I’ll make it work.

The thing that worries me the most is the wound in the head, so I focus on that first. I clean it —as much as I can without moving him to the refresher or so— with the towel that Rose has brought. Among the other things that she has found, there are a few bacta patches that make me smile. I put one of them in his head, wishing that it isn’t expired or that it isn’t enough, and the other two go to his side and his leg wounds. The broken bone… I don’t know how I’m going to heal him here. The Exegol experience has leaved me exhausted —the mere look of the bed makes me sleepy— so I don’t know if I’m in any position to heal him. However, if I can manage to heal, or treat, his bleeding wounds or the ones that can be infected, I’ll be satisfied.

I don’t stop working, even when my head tells me that I might be overusing some things or that I’m not applying this other thing correctly. I do my best.

Ben’s breath is steadier and to bond seems calmer. His wound in the head is fully healed, the same as the other two. I use a bandage for binding his broken leg, in hopes to help it till we reach the base and then I look at the dislocated shoulder. I know what I have to do, I have done it tons of times, even to myself, but it pains me that he has to suffer a little more, even if it’s for the better.

“Ben…” I whisper into his ear. He responds with a growl, as if he is half asleep. “I’m going to work on your shoulder. This might hurt…But it will be just a moment.”

He doesn’t answer, but I get that as an affirmation. I place my shaky hands over his shoulder, one lower than the other in order to secure the arm, and then I press with all my strength.

There’s pain, I feel it, but I also sense the relieve that comes after.

His clenched jaw relaxes and his breathing is more serene. He seems ready to sleep, to take a break and try to recover some of his energy, at least the amount necessary to hold himself when we land.

I place a kiss in his forehead without thinking too deep about it. We will have time to talk about where _this thing_ is going and what does it mean. For now, the mere fact that he is resting in the bed of the Falcon, safe and alive, is more than enough for me.

“Rest and try to sleep a little. I’m going to see if they need my help.” I hold his hand tight and then I can’t keep my smile from showing.

I go where the others are.

“How is he?” asks Rose when I step in the resting room.

“Oh, well. Badly hurt, and tired.” I sit beside Fin. I’m also tired. “At least there were a few bacta patches and I managed to heal the open wounds, the bigger ones.”

_“He’s going to be fine. He is just like this father in this, always getting out of everything.”_

We all turn to look at Chewie, who’s playing with some kind of rag doll. But he isn’t looking at us.

“Yeah…” I whisper.

The place drowns into an awkward silence. So I’m very thankful for Rose’s intervention.

“We saved you some portions.” She hands me a dish.

“Thank you.”

I don’t need the Force to sense the tension in the air. But I couldn’t care less, so I focus on eating while I feel Ben’s Force signature buzz at the back of my head. I knew from the start that this was going to be a problem or an issue of discussion, but right now that’s not something that worries me, at least not right now. The only thing I want to do know, is finish this food.

And it isn’t until I finish that they speak again.

“Rey…” I look at Rose, who exchanges a particular look with Finn and Poe. “We want to know… Is he…? Is he…Ren?”

I know, in the exact moment that the words leave Rose’s lips, that she isn’t the one asking, but the one that had the courage of saying at loud what others can’t say for themselves.

“No, he isn’t,” I snap, hard. “He’s Ben, Leia and Han’s son. I know that this is going to be hard for you, and that he has done… _some things_. But he knows, and this is also going to be hard for him. There are a lot of things that you all don’t know, that you can’t understand because we neither do at its fullest. So I just… Let him proof, at least that… He… he gave his life for mine, and that means something. It means something to me, and _for me_ … that’s enough.”

I get up and I look at them, but I’m so tired that I just don’t want to start a trial right now.

“I’m going to see if he—”

“Don’t worry, if we need you, I’ll call you,” says Rose when I’m unable to speak any words, my mind already besides Ben’s side.

I have always considerate myself a very rational and practical person, but right now my feelings have the control. I’m angry at my friends —even if some part of me can understands their worries— but also I have this strange urge to be at his side. It’s irrational, but after this crazy day, I just want to whatever I want. And I want to be with him.

I don’t say anything more, I just nod at the, and I go to the chambers.

My heart skips a beat when I see him stretched in the bed. It’s always going to be like this? Goosebumps all over my skin every time I see him? Not that I’m going to complain.

He looks younger now, with his face relaxed and the messy hair. I take one step at the time, the fear that he will disappear at any moment peaking at the back of my head. It still pains me how hurt he is, and that I can’t do anything to solve it.

“Staring is creepy.”

I let out a gasp.

“You’re awake.”

His voice sounds hoarse and more rough than usual and his eyes are reddish. Bur he’s there.

I can’t contain neither my body nor my feelings. Not that I want to.

I feel like the air in the room has been vacuumed and the galaxy has been summed in a profound silence, only to let us exist while the heartbeat takes through the bond. I’m not careful, I can’t be careful, and, despite the ache in my legs, I run towards the bed where he is laying.

I have been with him before, I have touched him, but nothing compares to the explosion I feel in every inch of skin when his hands, willing, caresses me. He hugs me back and I burry my head in his neck, sobbing while I can’t contain the tsunami of emotions that drowns me from inside. I feel like I might explode, just like a supernova that has reached its highest point in life, but me it’s in happiness. He’s really here, his heartbeat is strong against mine and his hands are on my body.

I can’t breathe, or stop crying. Electricity runs over us and I can only feel him, sense him, blood and sweat, and something stronger keeps us together. And I don’t want to let go, ever, and now I know. And I want him to know also.

“Hi,” his raspy voice greets me. He strokes away a tear from my cheek.

“Hi,” I mutter amidst tears.

He just looks at me, eyes open and filled with such a wonder that makes me gasp. Nobody has ever looked at me like this, like I was the whole galaxy. His eyes spark with joy and the corner of his mouth twitches with the shadow of a smile.

“I can’t believe I’m looking at you again.” He still is caressing my cheek, slowly and with such a care I want to cry again.

“I should be the one saying that!” I cup his face and I kiss his nose. “I thought…” I run my finger upon that smile that I want to burn into my memory.

“You came…”

“You don’t get to come back and then leave me… don’t.”

“I had to.”

“Don’t leave me, please.”

He just looks at me and I get drowned in him, and because I have spent the vast majority of my life in a dessert, this is my perfect paradise.

At first it’s just a soft brush of lips, but it just takes the brush of his hand —the good one— on my hip that ignites me and propels me to deepen the kiss.

I stand higher than him and I curl my fingers into his hair; I need him, all of it. My mind —and body— needs to feel him close, and assurance that he’s okay, that his heart is still beating in his chest. With that thought in mind, I’m incapable to stop my hand from descending from his hair to his shoulder and then his chest. He’s warm, strong, and his heartbeat it’s steady and fast.

His tongue caresses my lower lip and I can’t resist returning the gesture by pushing mine to battle against his. Ben tastes so unique I could drown in him. When he pushes his tongue into my month and takes control of the situation by making sure he knows every corner of me, I feel totally intoxicated by him.

I can’t hold back the moan that dies inside his mouth.

Something is boiling inside of me, but also outside. I can feel the Force sparkling around us with excitement. It’s electric and his lips just keep adding fire into me.

Unfortunately, we have to breath.

But I don’t push away. I still can feel the warm in his breath on my lips and heat of his body upon mine. I open my eyes slowly, knowing for sure that there was going to be a slightly blush on my cheeks. Maybe is embarrassment for what just happened between us, or maybe I’m afraid of facing reality, but I have waited what seems to be like an eternity to stare at his eyes again, that I can’t avoid the need that there is in me.

He’s looking at me with a deep stare, that look that is so _him_ and which makes me feel like he’s staring at my soul. But I couldn’t care less about that, because I feel him, beating in the Force so strongly that I have to surrender and smile.

“I love your smile, and your dimple.” The hand that was placed at the back of my neck, now moves to caress my cheek. His hands are big, warm and worn out from all the work they have done over the years.

I blush and I feel a burn inside me.

Every time he touches me I feel like my skin is going to be set on fire. Looking at him feels like a dream, or even a fantasy. Is it possible that, after everything we have lived, we will be able to enjoy this time together?

“Your head is screaming,” he murmurs.

“Are you reading me?” I say playfully.

“I’m trying to not do it.” I caress the back of his neck, curling my fingers at the end of his hair. So soft.

“I’m trying to convince myself that this is real, that you are not going to disappear when I wake up.” I hold him stronger, afraid that he vanishes in my arms once more.

“Come here,” he says.

With a strong hold he pushes me towards him, so we both end up laying in the bed. He holds me tight and I wrap my arms around his waist —being as careful as I can— and I rest my head in his chest. The sound of his living heart makes me smile.

“I’m not going anywhere, at least if you aren’t with me.” He places a kiss in my head. “This is the place where I have to be, not I know it. Besides you while you want it.”

“I want it,” I answer too fast, causing him to laugh. I swear it’s the most wonderful sound I have ever heard, and I want to end up knowing it by heart.

I still feel dizzy from our kiss, and some part of me still vibrates at the memory of his lips and just wants to follow the action to discover every inch of his body. But I can’t move a millimetre even if I wanted to. This might be the first time I feel relaxed enough to close my eyes and sleep. And he’s finally here, with me, working as a shield against the nightmares and the loneliness.

* * *

I’m the first one to wake up and for a split of second I fear that everything was a dream. But a strong and warm arm is around my waist, and I smile of pure bliss.

If this is come kind of fantasy or dream, I just don’t want to wake up from it.

But then, Ben starts to lightly shake and I turn to face him. I run my hand for his features, trying to remove the creases of his forehead. “I’m here, Ben.”

“Really?” he mutters, and I don’t know if he’s still asleep or not.

“Yes.”

“Mhm.” He turns and bring his good arm, which was wrapped around me, to his face. “I think this is the first time I heard that.”

I feel a pang in my heart.

“Well, I will say it as much as you want me to.”

He turns to look at me.

“I can’t believe you’re here, that… How? And why?” It really shocks me that he asks me ‘why’ I have brought him back. “I don’t think I deserve whatever you have done for me, I… I’m a monster.”

“You’re not,” I interrupt him.

“I… How am I going to… to keep going and—” He brings his hands to his head. “What if they return?”

“They?”

“The voices. Vader, Snoke, Palpatine… I’m not good.”

“Ben,” I say while I sit in the bed, trying to wrap my head around whatever is happening and trying to disperse the remains of sleep that still clouds my mind. “They aren’t going to hurt you again, and I can promise that because if I have to enter you mind and fight them, I will.” I can see the shadows of pain and frustration in his eyes, and all these moments I saw in the World Between Worlds just hurt more. He need to heal, and I want him to know that, that he has to trust in himself and in his choice. He already has done the difficult part, and he isn’t alone, I’m gonna stand with him in this path.

“You’re just…” He shakes his head and I only want to brush his head to try to calm him down. “I hurt you.”

“So did I.”

“No. It isn’t comparable. I don’t know why have you done this, you should…”

“Stop.” I place a hand in his chest. “I did this because I care about you, because you mean something to me even if I still have to discover what. I did this because… I didn’t felt you, Ben.” I take a deep breath. “You brought me back, you… you trusted in my when nobody did it, you saw something in me, call it power or whatever you want, when even I didn’t see it. We were equals since the start and I loosed you. I was bleeding from inside and there wasn’t a thing that could heal me, only you.” I blink a few times, trying to stop the emotions that are escaping from me. “The only times when I have really felt myself where when you were by my side. And I want this for… I want you, I need you.” I duck my head and I place a soft kiss in his lips. “We’re a balance, a dyad in the Force.” I feel his smile against mine when I repeat his words said what seems a long time ago. “I can’t do this alone.”

He lightly sobs, and I don’t have to dig to know that he’s stull doubting about himself, or even me. I want to kick some sense into him, but I already knew that this was going to take some time.

I jump out of the bed.

“Maybe I have something that can help to balance whatever is troubling you.”

Perhaps I could wait and give it to him in another moment, but I really believe that this is what he need right now, some kind of prove that gives him the strength to believe in himself. And more than that, that he is not alone, not now, he has me, and he has a legacy that awaits for him.

I’m thankful to find it in our room.

“Here.” I extend him the legacy saber that has belonged to his family for generations, and now it’s time for it to return to his bloodline. That reminds me of… “This is also yours.” And, before his glowing brown eyes, packed with emotions, I extend the other saber, Leia’s saber.

At first, he seems uncertain about this one, not recognizing it. However, in the precise moment his hand touches the slick metal surface of the weapon, something happens inside of him. His eyes switch quickly to look at the saber and I can feel an overwhelming wave of sadness coming from him and tears start to form in his eyes. He has recognized it.

“I don’t… I don’t think I deserve this.” His voice sounds strangled and I just know he’s in the edge of breaking apart. My heart stretches as a response of his feelings, but also because of my own feelings towards him. I don’t want him to feel bad or anything negative, I just want to see his smile over and over again, and feel accepted, _wanted_.

“You do,” I mutter with all my heart.

“Maybe you should keep it. I’m sure she would have wanted it that way.” His voice is so low I’m sure I have only heard him because of the closeness.

“I want to make my own saber. I think it’s time for me to build something for myself.” I smile at him. “And… Leia is happy that you have his saber, I’m sure.”

Ben looks at the saber as of it is hurting him, burning his mind and touch.

It makes me so sad to think that there is so many things that mother and son have never had the opportunity to tell the other. I just hope that, when Ben feels like he is in a good place, he will contact Leia and talk about everything that he has buried inside of him for so many years. Maybe this could be the beginning of his healing as a person.

“I don’t know if I can…” He swallows. “It just hurts that, after all, there still are things I don’t know about her. If she…” He plays with the saber. “If she was this, why she didn’t help me when I needed? Why… Why she didn’t understand me?” Ben’s voice resembles more to a scared child, afraid of himself, than to the man that’s in front of me. It breaks me.

“I don’t know. Maybe someday you can ask her this questions yourself.”

“I don’t think she wants to talk to me… I…”

A wave of unpleasant feelings saturates our bound, which shivers with pain, _his pain_.

“Don’t.” I stop him. “Don’t start with something that you don’t know if that’s gonna happen.” I move closer to him and I take his hand. “I’m sure Leia is eager to talk to you, her son. And I’m also sure she will answer whatever questions you have for her. Just… take it slow.”

“I have never had the chance to ‘take it slow’. I have always had to rush towards… what they told me.”

“Now this is you time, your moment.” I squish his arm and I rest my head in his good shoulder.

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be here with Ben. How many times have I wished the world to be different so I would have him by my side? How many times have I thought about my decision in Snoke’s Supremacy? How many times have I tried to picture the languid boy that Leia described in his stories and tried to associate it with the infamous Kylo Ren? At some point he became the sea that I wanted to explore, that I wanted to see. I have lost count of the times I dreamt about him, about all the scenarios in which we could have met if the galaxy had been different.

In a desert far away from here I wondered if there was someone for me, that could understand me and complete me. Of all the possibilities, I would have never guess that the answer would be a more literal one: he’s my balance, my other half.

I feel warm despite being in the space, travelling at light speed, and I’m comfortable and safe. It takes me a heartbeat to put a name in the feeling: I’m home. He’s just everything I have ever needed, someone that stays with me whatever happens and someone who’s going to be there every time I need a partner in the battle field or a shoulder to cry; someone that accepts my vulnerability the same way as my strength. With Ben I can be truly myself, not The Last Jedi, or a Palpatine, but just Rey, a poor orphan from Jakku; I can be both light and dark because he will be my balance whatever happens.

Finally, I have someone.

I turn my head away to look at him in the eyes. So vivid and expressive, no wonder he used a helmet. I pat his right cheek, where a scar was once.

“Thank you for coming after me.”

“Always.” I leave a soft kiss on his lips. “Don’t doubt about it.”

“I hope I can make up for everything I did…”

“I’m sure you will. And, Kylo Ren is dead as far as I am concerned, and you, Ben Solo, died for me, literally. So I count that as a pretty good payment for the crimes that were committed.” I smile at him. “And, if they try to do something to you, they will have to pass over me.”

I’m pleased to see how a corner of his mouth moves in what ends being a tiny smile.

“I just… I want to make it right.”

“I’m sure you will, it’s never too late, I want you to remember this.” I stroke away a lock of his hair. “And, no one knows the First Order better than the former Supreme Leader, so I’m sure that by a proper amount of information and help, you will be forgiven.”

“I want to earn it… I want to prove it.” He pierces his eyes on mine. “I want to prove you, to show you.”

“You don’t have to prove me anything. Believe me. I have been here.” And I touch his forehead. “Don’t martyr yourself, please. You have to forgive yourself… that’s the first step.”

“What if…”

The bond shivers with intensity, in the same way it seems to happen every time that emotions overwhelm him. But it evolves to more. I can hear screams, I feel pain, and I sense atrocious actions happening around me. My body creeps. I hold onto him, but then I hear something familiar, _“You’re my guest.” “I can show you the ways of the Force.”_ They aren’t stranger’s screams, but mine. I hear the buzz of the lightsabers crashing and I would swear that a purple light has shadowed the room, but then I start to feel a horrible pain: in my abdomen, in my shoulder, in my arm… And my head is going to explode. Regret, guilt, annoyance, distrust, second thoughts… I’m in his head, I can hear his loud thoughts along as Snoke’s poisonous words, tinting everything around Ben. Everything is a blur and I can’t read anything, furthermore, I can’t comprehend why I’m sensing this particular moment.

However, after everything that has happened between us two… I can guarantee I know him pretty good.

For that reason, I pounce on him and I hug him tightly. He frizzes, but just after a few seconds he wraps his arms around me and buries his head in my neck. I do the same thing.

I caress his back and neck, and just when I see the bond settle calm between us… I move the few centimetres that I need to place my mouth besides his ear.

“I forgive you. I forgive you, Ben.”

He shatters in my arms, and cries years of pain, loneliness and turbulence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a chapter.  
> I have to say that I'm really proud if this one, I know it's long but this all needed to happen in a same take. Ben's feelings were difficult to write, along side with Rey's, and how is she going to react. I wanted to focus on Ben's reactions and feelings in some emotional packed conversation. But I promise in the next one to have cocky Ben and... the final.  
> Thank you for reading and commenting, every notification means the world to me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of this story... This is more a rendition of what I wanted to see Ben do In TROS. So... I hope I did it justice...

I search for some pieces of clothing that could fit Ben, his clothes are too dirty and ripped. But I don’t know the place, and I even feel bad for searching in these draws.

“Search in that cabin, dad always kept there a backup change of clothes.” He has said this words to fast to realize the words that he speaks, but the familiar tone in which he says them, it warms my heart. And I know the moment he recognizes what he has said.

“Let’s see if something has survived the pass of time…”

I kneel before the cabin and… There they are. I grab the pieces of fabric and I unfold them to discover what they are and if they are wearable. It’s the second pair of pants the one that I feel could fit Ben large figure. They are dark brown, almost black, and a little writs lower, but he will have to toe the line. The shirt is another story, everything seems to be or too small or too shattered.

When I don’t find anything that could work, I move on to another drawer. I would like to know when was the last time Han cleaned this place, or has thrown something. Here there are more things: belts, suspenders, gloves, vests; even a jacket.

“Wait!” Ben says when I’m about to pass onto something else, still grabbing an item.

A belt.

“What?”

“That was… is mine,” he says with a strangled voice. “I loved dad’s belt, you know, where he kept his blaster and make him look cool... I wanted one too. He gifted me this, which has a saber hold… He said that he would gift me the blast when I finished the Jedi training…”

“Well… it’s never too late… And I think it will fit you.” I put the belt where I also have left the pants as I continue searching for clothes.

“Rey, I can search for my own clothes.”

“First, I don’t know if that’s true knowing your fashion style. And secondly, your leg is hurt, I don’t want you to stand.”

“You don’t know my mother side of the family to judge me in what fashion sense is concerned…” He snuffles.

“Oh, sorry… I forgot that you’re a _prince_.” I can’t keep the smirk that shows on my lips when I see his grin.

“Don’t… the planet doesn’t even exist and I have never…”

“You’re the heir…” I can’t stop but tease him, this is too good, to pure to let it go.

It feels so nice, so natural, to joke about this or whatever, to see the points of his ears turn red because of the embarrassment meanwhile he has a cocky grin in his lips. I feel as light as a feather when I hear our laugh combined, the air so soft and warm. I want to cherish every second of these moments, but I also want this to be just the start of many more. There are so many things, so many experiences, I want to experience with him alongside that my body is filled with excitement. All the fears, all the questions, that I had before now are forgotten, they aren’t important enough to be even be considered. What if I experience a little bit more with the Force? Now I can do it because I know that he will always be by my side, holding me if something goes wrong, just as the same as I will.

That’s why I can’t hide the smile with which I look at him, handing him the chosen clothes.

He shakes his head but a smile hanging from his lips.

Sooner than late we discover that he is unable to dress by himself due the wound, so I have to help him, which opens the door for more jokes about him being a prince.

It also states a more palpable tension between us and, despite trying to avoid the possible inconvenience of the moment, it’s impossible to hide it when he is shirtless, soon to be pantless, in front of me. The worst part is that he knows, and he’s enjoying it.

“Don’t think so highly of yourself,” I split between my teeth when I see his grin.

“I’m not the one shouting obscenities in my head.”

“I’m not doing that!” I blush so strongly that I’m embarrassed of myself.

“Well, your thought remembering the Force bond that the arousal you felt…”

“Stop!” I yell while I bring the shirt I’m handling to my face.

That’s when I feel his hands on my arms, bringing them down and using them to close the gap between us.

“I feel it too.”

His lips are in mine and the rush of adrenaline I felt the first time we kissed here seems nothing in comparison of this. It’s harder, and faster. His hands are on my hips, both arms, and he’s securing me between his legs. My hands are in his soft and precious hair, pulling his head backwards so I can deepen the kiss as much as I desire. He just feels so good it seems impossible to be even real. But he’s under my fingers, under my lips and in my breath.

I move my legs to fit his between mine and be able to sit in his lap, an unknown urgency pulling my body to his, needing more contact, more friction between us.

But he groans in pain and I recoil to stand in front of him, who has his eyes closed and his lips in a fine line. I can sense his pain.

“Sorry… I should…”

“Don’t apologize…”

“Yes, you’re hurt and we need to be more careful.” Ben looks me in the eyes and then he pouts. “Are you pouting at me?”

“It’s working?”

“No!”

“Just to make it even clear… I also want you, in every way possible. And I can’t wait to share another piece of me with you.”

The atmosphere changes from steamy and hot, to one that’s so intense I feel overwhelmed by it. There’s even more tension than before, I can feel it starting to buzz between us two. And it doesn’t help having Ben with so little clothes before me.

“Let’s dress you up, please.”

* * *

“Come, I want you to see something.” I stand and I offer him my hand.

As much as he wants it, we can’t hide in this room and pretend that we’re the only ones or that we’re not where we are. Ben has been trying to deny where we are, and I don’t even need the Force to know that. However, both of us have to face the reality: my friends, who’re mostly against him, are waiting outside these walls, and he’s in his father’s ship, alongside part of his dysfunctional family. Neither of us can’t hide, not anymore.

“Are you able to stand?” I ask, looking at his leg.

He’s still having his leg wound up with tons of wraps in order to keep it steady until we arrive at the base, but it has been a while and he has been resting for a long time, so I hope it’s a little better.

“I think so… It didn’t hurt when I put the clothes one.”

“Okay, so let’s do it.” I extend the hand once more and he takes it.

I can help it but feel tickles in my skin when it touches his. Also the mere thought of how we’re accepting each other with such easiness, it warms my heart.

When we are face to face, or kind of because I have to lift my chain to look at him, he smiles at me, but in a way that he proves that he is —with the clothes and that smirk—, indeed, his father son.

He doesn’t let go, maybe because he’s searching for some comfort when he starts to recognize every stretch and every mark of the ship, or maybe because he needs me to keep his balance.

Ben’s Force signature starts to tremble when he realizes where I’m heading to. I have to tight up my hold on his hand because I read his thought of running away. This is now his ship, and he has to accept it. And he also has to face everything that it’s inside it, even if that hurts.

We reach the door frame that leads to the cockpit of the Falcon.

I’m the first one to walk in, but he does not. He just stays there, afraid of touching anything. How many memories are painted into these walls? Does he remember the last time he was here? Was he a little boy or an angry teenager? Does he even have happy memories inside here? I hope so. I do. This is where I saw green for the first time, where I felt I could have more than what I had, where I started to feel more than just a scavenger.

He starts to walk slowly towards me, both standing in the middle of it. He looks around as if he was seeing a ghost. Maybe he is. I play my cards carefully, afraid of scaring him off. I step back till I feel, in the back of my knees, the co-pilot seat and, without losing his stare, I sit. He seems to mimic my steps, as if some gravity was pulling us towards the same place and the same state. Ben’s trembling, and he starts to feel just as if he is going to be sucked by some voragine of mix feelings that will torment him. And maybe this is what it’s going to happen, but I’m sure that good feelings are also attached to this place.

Finally, he sets and lets out a sight.

I don’t know what to do, or how to react at him. So I leave him being.

Time passes, and we’re still sit in the same place, almost in the same position, but Ben is almost letting himself go, becoming more and more comfortable in the space, enough to start caressing surfaces and looking around him.

“I wanted to be a pilot, just like him,” he says, with such a small voice that I fear to have missed something. “But then I was told that, with my… abilities, I had to go with Luke.” He then looks at me. “I didn’t want to be a Jedi, I just wanted to see the galaxy and travel with him.”

“Will you, someday, tell me what happened?”

“I’m sure you have heard stories.”

“Maybe, but I want to know it because you have told me.”

He looks surprised at my answer, but it’s the true. I want to fully know him, all of it, darkness and light, bad and good. I want to know the real Ben, the one that lays under all these stories and myths.

Ben looks at everything, until he stops at the dices that are hanging from the hang.

He takes them with such ceremoniousness that my heart clenches a little bit when I watch his eyes following his hand while he touches and caresses the gold dices.

“He always would say things like ‘never tell me the odds’” He snorts. “It’s funny if you think that ‘this’ started with odds.” Ben looks all over the cockpit with a sad smile in his face.

I place a hand in this cheek, “I’m sure he’s happy and proud to see you sitting in here.”

“Well… He has always been very protective over her…” He caresses the commands. “I don’t know if I’m worthy to even sit here.”

“You are.” I close his hand with mine, securing the dices there.

Then, breaking the peaceful moment, we hear a roar behind us and Ben stands up in such a quick movement that he has to place a hand in the Falcon’s panel to keep the balance. His heart is racing, I can feel it as if it was my own, and tumultuous feelings start to storm inside him: fear, rejection, sadness, despair, guilt. All of that while he tries to keep the look on Chewbacca. The hand that Ben has in the headrest seems to tremble, and he doesn’t move at all. The ambient in the place is so confusing I can’t read it, but a breath gets stuck in my throat when Chewie stars to approach Ben.

They are so close from each other that I’m afraid of whatever can happen. Ben seems to be at the edge of the wreaking point, as if he was going to crumble to the ground in tiny pieces.

Chewie takes one more step. And another. And he’s just a touch away from Ben.

However, he does the least thing I expected him to do. Chewie hands Ben the same rag doll I saw before. And Ben breaks in front of me, but, thankfully, Chewie is there to hold him tight into his arms.

My heart shrinks.

Ben hugs him as if his life depended on it. It’s hurtful to see it, but just as it is emotional. For a split of a second I can sense how proud would Han been about this precise moment.

I close myself to Ben, allowing him some privacy in this delicate moment. And the only reason why I don’t leave the cockpit is because I would have to interrupt them in order to reach the door. But I feel as an outsider witnessing this intimate moment that, I’m sure, is very important for both of them.

It hits me suddenly that this is the remains of the Solo’s, the Organa’s, and the Skywalker’s; one of the most important bloodlines of all the galaxy and it rests in Ben’s shoulders, now shaking due to the cries. I can see the little boy he was once and, even more, I _know_ that Chewie also sees it. This is such a heartfelt moment that I feel my eyes go watery.

They start to separate from the hug and I can see that there are also tears in Chewie eyes.

We all know about the bad things that had happened in recent years, and we all know that there are wounds that will take time to heal. However, and despite everything that has occurred, I feel Chewie’s happiness in hugging Ben. How wonderful it’s to recover a small part of your family when you thought everything was lost. And I relate so much to those feeling that I can help myself but projecting them towards Ben. I have also recovered him, and I want him to know how I feel about it, I want him to sense that he also has me as his family.

He’s not alone, not anymore.

* * *

A blow hits the Falcon and the radar starts to beep.

“What was that?!” I scream at Finn, who should have been paying attention to possible threads.

“Sorry… I’m…”

“Shields up!” screams Poe, sitting in the pilot seat while everybody takes positions. “We have to jump to the hyperspace as soon as we can.”

“First we should put some distance and think where to go.” Poe doesn’t listen to Rose, he’s too busy touching all sort of buttons.

“I’m going…” I see Poe type some numbers in the computer, but without establishing a destination.

This is madness.

“You’re going to burn the transmission if you think to do that.” We all turn to look at Ben, who’s leaning towards the frame of the door, arms crossed above his chest and a poker face.

I look at Poe, who seems frozen in the site after hearing such a comment. I have to bite my lower lip to suppress a smile. It’s a no-spoken rule to not disturb Poe whenever he is flying in adverse conditions, but I suppose that Ben doesn’t know that. And moreover, maybe it’s time that someone questions Poe’s style of flying.

“What.” It isn’t a question, but Poe tries to remain calm and doesn’t let go of the controls. But because I like to be safe, I take to co-pilot controls and I secure the coordinates that we’re trying to reach before something blows up.

“You’re keeping the suppressor on, that will only put more pressure to the commands and the engine, giving the state of the ship… that will lead to an overload in the secondary system that can affect the primary system, and, with that, the hyperspace. And that numbers aren’t the ones you want to put in the coordinator if you are planning to jump.” Ben isn’t trying to be cocky or anything, I sense it. But I know him well enough to know that he’s enjoying this conversation in which he feels is superior to Poe. That annoys me a little bit, but witness this unseen part of him… is a little —maybe more than a little— hot.

The cockpit falls into a tense silence, waiting to see who will be the first one to speak. But them something hits us and then the alarms start to beep the crap out.

Asteroids. We have entered a field of asteroids. Perfect.

“Fuck!” screams Finn.

“To the shooter,” I order him. “And ask Rose to try to repair what she can.”

He stumbles out and Ben takes a step closer to us, and I say the words that are screaming in his mind.

“Don’t you ever even think about jumping to lightspeed right now, it’s almost a death sentence.”

“Listen.” Poe verge of an angry breakdown, but I’m happy he tries to remain calm. “I’m glad you have found your boyfriend and that you’re happy, but that doesn’t give him any power to command or say what I have to do with the Millennium Falcon.”

 _“Oh Poe…”_ I think.

I turn my head, not caring about the controls, because seeing Ben’s expression is so much more important and interesting. He’s trying to keep a serene look and not start a scream match with Poe, I feel it, but I also know —and sense— the irony that are Poe’s words. The Falcon is Ben’s heritage.

The first one to break the tense ambient is Chewbacca, who’s standing behind Ben, with what everyone can understand as a laugh. Poe’s cheeks turn red at the realization and grunts at me, as if I’m the blameworthy.

Poe moves to the back-sits, in what I hope is the idea of helping in the shooting mission, and Ben rises an eyebrow.

“All yours, _Solo_.”

Ben looks at me, and then at the pilot seat, as if it terrified him the mere thought of siting there again. Chewie puts a paw on his shoulder and Ben nods.

Time seems to froze till the moment he decides to finally sit under the watchful eye of all of us. For a moment I think he’s going to collapse. But he recomposes soon enough to sit and take the controls. He straights his back and disconnects the steadiness of the ship, making it to tremble a lot.

Poe groans.

“Are you insane?!”

“I need to know the proper stabilization of the ship for myself in order to feel how it moves and when to make the next thing.” Ben is talking between his teeth and it really surprises me he answered Poe’s reaction.

He, then, starts to flight as I have only seen once before, when the Falcon was piloted by Han Solo.

The ship stumbles and I turn to look at Ben, realizing that he has seen that thought. But the thing is that I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I soon find out because he has a half smile in the lips and he’s doing wonders with the controls. I do my best to help him flight the Falcon, but at some moment it seems that he’s having problems with this and he frowns.

“Rey.” Ben is so focused that I doubt he said my name. “I need you to do something when I ask it and I need you to trust me in this.” I get chills all over my body at the sound of his voice. He’s so concentrated and he’s holding the controls with such strength, that I feel a little bit intimidated by him and this newly found tension.

“Just, don’t kill us.”

“No if I can prevent it.” I don’t know if he’s joking or not, but I don’t have time to answer because I have to take the controls in a heartbeat in order to help Ben dodge a giant asteroid that was in our way.

What were the odds to find someone here that would want to attack us? And Poe’s idea to enter a field of asteroids hasn’t been his brightest idea too.

“C3-P0 I need you to discover if the backup hyperdrive is in good condition and if the Quadex is in its fullest!” Ben screams.

“Master Ben, I don’t know…”

“Do it!” I scream dodging a sonic shot.

“What are you trying to do,” asks Poe that, surprisingly, has remained very silent till now.

Ben waits a few seconds to answer and, when he does, I wish he remained silent: “I’m not completely sure.” But I don’t have time to say anything more because he starts talking again. “Chewie I need you to direct the SLAM towards the primary system and secure that… I’m still flying with a SSP05?”

“Yes.”

“Perfect, so secure it towards the primary system. And Rey, when I tell you, put the coordinates that you want and then I’ll jump to the hyperspace.”

“Master Ben, the backup is in its fullest, but the Quadex seems to be a little bit exhausted due to the Exegol atmosphere…”

“Shit!”

“Master, let me remain you that this ship is a modified YT-1300 light freighter that had an alteration in the power core that…”

“Shut up! I know what alterations has this ship! I did some of them!” A lock of hair falls in front of his eyes.

“C3-PO connect the backup to the hyperspace prime system.”

“Master…”

“Do it!” I can feel the tension on every inch of his body. And I would love to help him with it, to erase some of that nerves, but I’m as tense as he is.

The problem is that I don’t know what he’s exactly planning to do and that scares me more than what I would like to admit. He is the one that went to face Palpatine with only a blaster and nothing else.

Chewie roars behind us, confirming he has already directed the power.

I get in position, feeling how something is going to happen, but because so much is happening around me and at the same time, I’m unable to focus in only one thing to discover if it’s going to be good or bad.

“We’re ready!” I hear Rose screaming.

And then, just a second before he does it, I know that this is going to be a bad idea.

“Rey, now.”

I want to stop him and tell him that, with all the power that he has directed towards the hyperdrive, he will set the Falcon in fire. But I don’t.

I introduce the coordinates to the base and, just when I lift the finger from the button, he actuates the leveller.

A crack goes through the ship and I can feel the speed in my bones as I have never ever experienced. Our view outside the Falcon goes white and Chewie protests, but Ben doesn’t listen to him. He just moves to press what I think are the shields and more things I can’t see.

The ship starts to shake with violence.

“C3-PO! Disconnect the backup and leave the Quadex as it was! Now!” he screams vigorously.

I have my heart in a suspense motion, waiting for something to happen so it can beat again with normality. And then the view changes, because it goes from white to a soft blue with deep blue lines. We’re in the hyperspace, at the normal speed light.

We all turn to look at Ben, who let’s go of the commands slowly and lies on the seat. A cocky smile appears in his lips while he puts the autopilot.

“I guess, now _I’m_ the best pilot,” he says, and I can’t but break into laughter at his words and Poe’s face.

“You’re an idiot,” says Chewie. “But Han would have liked it.”

We remain in silence, weighing into Chewie words. This also means that all the serotonin and all the adrenaline that has rushed in our veins for the last minutes starts to disappear. I can’t believe what he just did, but what’s funnier, is that the Force buzzes in excitement around Ben. He’s happy, I see it in the wrinkles of his smile.

I get up and I hug him around the neck. I leave a soft kiss in his cheek.

“Don’t do this ever again,”

“I’ll try.”

After a few seconds were we remain silent in that position, I help him to stand up and we go together to the resting room, where all the crew is waiting. I sit close to Ben. This just seems straight out of a dream, I’m surrounded by friends and… him. I can’t wrap my head around the idea that he really is here, that he has really pulled off that stupid and dangerous move. But it was a Solo move. I knew he was a great pilot, he had to with his heritage, but now I’m happy —I think so— to have witness it. But this is also an open door for me to think about all the other things I will learn about him with time.

Time.

I have all the time in the world to meet him, to discover him, to feel him.

I kiss the hollow in his neck with happiness.

He returns it by kissing my head.

“Now… What are we gonna do?” asks Rose.

“Now… I suppose we continue fighting,” says Poe.

“We’re going to need a lot of help, and patience,” I say, curling in Ben’s side.

“We have everything we need,” he says, looking at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you for all the comments and kudos y'all left in this work. Thank you. This was my first time writing a story in English and I have to say I'm very happy, and I just hope I did justice to Ben and Rey.   
> I hope to see you in my next works (I'm planning an Anastasia kinda story AU, or a Bodyguard AU... I just want to do an AU but I can't decide) and let me know what you thought about this end!
> 
> Thank you again,  
> Jud.

**Author's Note:**

> In my head, this is the canon that we deserve and what should have happened. So, I'll gladly write about it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and see y'll in the next chapter <3


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